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Arrested Development Episodes (Clickable)
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Match the quotes to the episodes.
Lucille: Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire.
George Sr.: There's always money in the Banana Stand!
Lucille: Candy bar? No, I'm withholding it. [pause] Look at me, getting off.
Lindsay: You know, we're not the only ones destroying trees. What about beavers? You call yourself an environmentalist, why don't you go club a few beavers?
Lindsay: Look, I screwed up, ok? I'm lost, and I hate them. I hate the Wetlands. They're stupid and wet, and there are bugs everywhere, and I think I maced a crane, Michael.
George Sr.: Daddy horny, Michael.
Lucille: I said you wouldn't give her the money, and she said, 'He will if I get him drunk.' Probably because she thinks you're a cheap bastard. Her words.
Michael: This is a Bluth family celebration. It's no place for children.
George Michael: Yeah, I'm gonna need a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and need to go into a controlled slide.
Lucille: [to Lindsay] I don't criticize you! And if you're worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.
George Bluth Sr.: Some of my students are arguing the significance of the shank bone on the Seder plate. But we do NOT wag our genitals at one another to make a point!
Carl Weathers: Now, wait a minute. This is just purely a social call. You know, just two adults getting a stew on, man.
Buster: No, mother, I can blow myself and you have interfered for the last time!
Michael: I don't think us sleeping together is working out. You're a grown man. You should be living with your mother.
Annyong: I went to beach once. Next thing you know, I in crate next to pig.
Barry Zuckerkorn: Oh, I could kiss you on the nuts!
Maeby: I figure I'll kill her off just before graduation just so everyone gets really sad before prom.
George Sr.: Well, that's why you don't fire her. You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy.
Buster: We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook!
Gob: I mean, it's not about money in the sense that I'm coming here saying, 'Here, Michael. Take some money.' It's just more of a 'may I have some' kind of visit.
Lindsay: Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It's built into the price. If I didn't take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.
Gob: Now, I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's 'Oh, let's have Gob **** our way out of it.'
Dr. Fishman: It just looks like he's dead. He's got, like, blue paint on him or something. But he's going to be fine.
Lindsay: I can actually smear diamonds on my face, and it's only $400 a tub! That's like, what? A million diamonds for $400? A million f*cking diamonds!
Tobias:I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot your wife is dead!
Lindsay: You know what? I'm going to throw on a skirt, take off my underwear, and make your Pop-pop proud!
Gob: I’m the pathetic one, Buster, not you. I totally freaked out in front of that prosecutor today. Like a little girl. In a little dress. Little saddle shoes. Little pigtails.
Gob: Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. COME ON!
Gob: Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you.
Michael [to Buster]: Maybe it’s time you got out there and started meeting people. You know? Meeting women. Meeting women who didn’t give birth to you.
Lindsay: And I'm gonna go see if I can get a wrench to strip my nuts. [pause] I was trying to be sexy. It just got away from me.
Lucille: She’s trying to prove that she’s closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for Gob.
Michael: I didn't even know that she was pregnant when I first saw her. All I could see was her giant chest. Box. She had this ... some people call it a chest, I call it a box.
Michael: Mom, after all these years, God’s not going to take a call from you.
Lindsay: Oh, God. Not that 'I’m in love with my mother' dance thing. I’m so glad there wasn’t one of those for daddies and daughters.
Buster: What do you expect, Mother? I'm half machine! I'M A MONSTER!
Tobias: Time for me to take off my receptionist skirt and put on my Barbara Streisand in the Prince Of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit.
Gob: [about Ann] Plus, that one is religious. It gets pregnant, it stays pregnant. I know, I dated a chick like that once in high school. Wait... no, I didn't.
Lucille: Oh, please. I’ve been drinking since before you were born. So if alcohol’s the reason I’m here, I got news for you, bub. It’s the only reason you’re here, too.
Gob: Shall I knock Dad out and chain him to a pipe somewhere, or should I risk another herpes outbreak with Kitty? Which is it, Michael?
Buster: I decided to sleep in the car so my snoring wouldn't bother you, and I left a tape recording of my snoring so you wouldn't know I was gone.
Tobias: Ooh, I can taste those meaty, leading man parts in my mouth!
Tobias: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.
Gob: First place chick is hot but has an attitude: doesn't 'date' magicians. Second place is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl... or a geologist.
Tobias: I will be a bigger and hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh!
Maeby: No! Deep is good! People are going to say 'what the hell just happened?' and I'd better say I like it because nobody wants to seem stupid!
Lucille: I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture.
Lucille [to Michael]: What's Spanish for 'I know you speak English'?
Buster: You gave us cereal in an ashtray.
Narrator: And, so, like many people who no longer felt anything for each other, they decided to get married.
George, Sr.: I just want my brother to envy my money, but he’s got that hair. Why can’t I have hair and money and him nothing?
Lindsay: Well, wine only turns into alcohol if you let it sit.
Tobias: Although, perhaps I should call the 'hot cops' and tell them to come up with something more nautically themed ... 'HOT sailors' ... or 'hot sea-m...'
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