The West Wing's Best Thanksgiving Quotes

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Can you name the the West Wing character credited with these quotes from the Thanksgiving episodes?

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QuoteCharacter
Maybe after the ceremony, you could get one of the fourth graders to come in and show you how to use the intercom.
I'm going to ask him to say 'Shibboleth.'
I'm Joe Betherson...sen. That's one 't', and with an 'h' in there.
I'm telling your mother you forgot where she lives.
I don't know, sir. When I came in here, back in the late '50s, there was a purpose to it, but then one thing led to another and I blacked out.
How do you keep fighting these smaller injustices when they're all from the Mother of Injustices?
The President is giving two speeches on January 20th?
You want more poor people or fewer poor people?
Schlepping in a 747. It's not like we were gonna have to carry our own bags or anything, but I do not argue.
Okay, Mr. President. I say this with all possible respect, but each of these knives cut, you know, meat.
Of course, Showtime will have their cameras at APEC to record the whole thing for the President's one-hour special called Bartlet: In the Thick of It.
But how will you know I'm your buddy?
There are big signs! You can't park there! They should get towed! I hope they get towed to Queens and the Triboro is closed and there's a big craft show at Shea, a flea market...
No, it's-it's not the beginning of a joke. I'm saying there's these two Indians in the lobby.
No. But could you tell me more about Jackie Robinson and breaking barriers?
Hey, I was just flipping a nickel in my office. Sixteen times in a row, it came out tails.
J'accuse, mon petite fromage!
If I cook it inside the turkey, is there a chance I could kill my guests? I'm not saying that's necessarily a deal-breaker.
'Cause I'm not taking a meeting with somebody who stages a sit-in in the lobby!
You know I've always wanted to learn how to work an abacus, 'cause on the first date when the check comes and you pull that thing out of your pocket and start adding up the tip?
QuoteCharacter
Hey Toscanini.
I'm just saying, we've been working hard and we'd prefer to watch football rather than listen to a history of the yam in Latin.
The President has asked Sam Seaborn and Josh Lyman to run these meetings so it's entirely possible that by week's end we'll have alienated Christians, China, and our own government
Cornbread, oysters, water chestnuts, andouille sausage.
Yeah, you know what? Not your FedEx guy. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't know. Wendell's not 'cute' cute but he's so funny.
(to the President) You can't pardon a turkey?
Karen Cahill had me flummoxed. Did you tell him I was flummoxed?
The Uniform Code, Article 134 which exists to ensure that soldiers will risk their lives for each other.
Yeah. This was made for my family by a Boston silversmith named Paul Revere.
I have difficulty sometimes talking to people who don't race sailboats.
(referring to the turkeys) They eat grain or really whatever's lying around, and Troy doesn't like to be touched.
I do radio commercials for... products.
You just called me your little cheese.
It's like when they did that thing with the SAT scores and I got dumber twenty years after I went to college.
They sent me two turkeys. The most photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.
Oh the President could honestly give a damn what you guys are doing tomorrow Toby.
By the way, the Latin word for 'yam' is 'dioscorea.'
You're alliteration happy: 'guardians of gridlock,' 'protectors of privilege.' I needed an avalanche of Advil.
...a small band of pilgrims sought out a place in the New World where they could worship according to their own beliefs... and solve crimes.

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