The West Wing's Best Thanksgiving Quotes

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Can you name the the West Wing character credited with these quotes from the Thanksgiving episodes?

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QuoteCharacter
No, it's-it's not the beginning of a joke. I'm saying there's these two Indians in the lobby.
Maybe after the ceremony, you could get one of the fourth graders to come in and show you how to use the intercom.
You're alliteration happy: 'guardians of gridlock,' 'protectors of privilege.' I needed an avalanche of Advil.
It's like when they did that thing with the SAT scores and I got dumber twenty years after I went to college.
Schlepping in a 747. It's not like we were gonna have to carry our own bags or anything, but I do not argue.
If I cook it inside the turkey, is there a chance I could kill my guests? I'm not saying that's necessarily a deal-breaker.
I don't know. Wendell's not 'cute' cute but he's so funny.
They sent me two turkeys. The most photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.
I do radio commercials for... products.
J'accuse, mon petite fromage!
You know I've always wanted to learn how to work an abacus, 'cause on the first date when the check comes and you pull that thing out of your pocket and start adding up the tip?
...a small band of pilgrims sought out a place in the New World where they could worship according to their own beliefs... and solve crimes.
'Cause I'm not taking a meeting with somebody who stages a sit-in in the lobby!
By the way, the Latin word for 'yam' is 'dioscorea.'
Yeah. This was made for my family by a Boston silversmith named Paul Revere.
Karen Cahill had me flummoxed. Did you tell him I was flummoxed?
You want more poor people or fewer poor people?
I don't know, sir. When I came in here, back in the late '50s, there was a purpose to it, but then one thing led to another and I blacked out.
I'm Joe Betherson...sen. That's one 't', and with an 'h' in there.
The Uniform Code, Article 134 which exists to ensure that soldiers will risk their lives for each other.
QuoteCharacter
No. But could you tell me more about Jackie Robinson and breaking barriers?
Oh the President could honestly give a damn what you guys are doing tomorrow Toby.
(referring to the turkeys) They eat grain or really whatever's lying around, and Troy doesn't like to be touched.
Hey Toscanini.
Of course, Showtime will have their cameras at APEC to record the whole thing for the President's one-hour special called Bartlet: In the Thick of It.
But how will you know I'm your buddy?
Hey, I was just flipping a nickel in my office. Sixteen times in a row, it came out tails.
There are big signs! You can't park there! They should get towed! I hope they get towed to Queens and the Triboro is closed and there's a big craft show at Shea, a flea market...
I'm just saying, we've been working hard and we'd prefer to watch football rather than listen to a history of the yam in Latin.
Cornbread, oysters, water chestnuts, andouille sausage.
I'm telling your mother you forgot where she lives.
Okay, Mr. President. I say this with all possible respect, but each of these knives cut, you know, meat.
Yeah, you know what? Not your FedEx guy. Happy Thanksgiving.
The President has asked Sam Seaborn and Josh Lyman to run these meetings so it's entirely possible that by week's end we'll have alienated Christians, China, and our own government
I'm going to ask him to say 'Shibboleth.'
How do you keep fighting these smaller injustices when they're all from the Mother of Injustices?
The President is giving two speeches on January 20th?
I have difficulty sometimes talking to people who don't race sailboats.
You just called me your little cheese.
(to the President) You can't pardon a turkey?

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