The West Wing's Best Thanksgiving Quotes

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Can you name the the West Wing character credited with these quotes from the Thanksgiving episodes?

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QuoteCharacter
(to the President) You can't pardon a turkey?
Maybe after the ceremony, you could get one of the fourth graders to come in and show you how to use the intercom.
Karen Cahill had me flummoxed. Did you tell him I was flummoxed?
There are big signs! You can't park there! They should get towed! I hope they get towed to Queens and the Triboro is closed and there's a big craft show at Shea, a flea market...
J'accuse, mon petite fromage!
'Cause I'm not taking a meeting with somebody who stages a sit-in in the lobby!
The President has asked Sam Seaborn and Josh Lyman to run these meetings so it's entirely possible that by week's end we'll have alienated Christians, China, and our own government
Cornbread, oysters, water chestnuts, andouille sausage.
By the way, the Latin word for 'yam' is 'dioscorea.'
If I cook it inside the turkey, is there a chance I could kill my guests? I'm not saying that's necessarily a deal-breaker.
Hey, I was just flipping a nickel in my office. Sixteen times in a row, it came out tails.
You want more poor people or fewer poor people?
They sent me two turkeys. The most photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.
(referring to the turkeys) They eat grain or really whatever's lying around, and Troy doesn't like to be touched.
Yeah. This was made for my family by a Boston silversmith named Paul Revere.
How do you keep fighting these smaller injustices when they're all from the Mother of Injustices?
Schlepping in a 747. It's not like we were gonna have to carry our own bags or anything, but I do not argue.
You just called me your little cheese.
You know I've always wanted to learn how to work an abacus, 'cause on the first date when the check comes and you pull that thing out of your pocket and start adding up the tip?
I'm telling your mother you forgot where she lives.
QuoteCharacter
Hey Toscanini.
Of course, Showtime will have their cameras at APEC to record the whole thing for the President's one-hour special called Bartlet: In the Thick of It.
I'm just saying, we've been working hard and we'd prefer to watch football rather than listen to a history of the yam in Latin.
Oh the President could honestly give a damn what you guys are doing tomorrow Toby.
...a small band of pilgrims sought out a place in the New World where they could worship according to their own beliefs... and solve crimes.
I do radio commercials for... products.
I'm Joe Betherson...sen. That's one 't', and with an 'h' in there.
I have difficulty sometimes talking to people who don't race sailboats.
No, it's-it's not the beginning of a joke. I'm saying there's these two Indians in the lobby.
The President is giving two speeches on January 20th?
No. But could you tell me more about Jackie Robinson and breaking barriers?
I'm going to ask him to say 'Shibboleth.'
You're alliteration happy: 'guardians of gridlock,' 'protectors of privilege.' I needed an avalanche of Advil.
But how will you know I'm your buddy?
The Uniform Code, Article 134 which exists to ensure that soldiers will risk their lives for each other.
It's like when they did that thing with the SAT scores and I got dumber twenty years after I went to college.
I don't know. Wendell's not 'cute' cute but he's so funny.
Yeah, you know what? Not your FedEx guy. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't know, sir. When I came in here, back in the late '50s, there was a purpose to it, but then one thing led to another and I blacked out.
Okay, Mr. President. I say this with all possible respect, but each of these knives cut, you know, meat.

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