| Source | |
|---|
| Today, I discovered that we evolved from monkeys. FML. | |
| Today, a BP oil tanker exploded in me. FML. | |
| Today, I contemplated my existence while everyone around me started dying. FML. | |
| Today, I transformed into a giant cockroach. FML. | |
| Today, people keep tickling my tummy, expecting me to laugh. It hurts after a while. FML. | |
| Today, a short guy started plucking off my gumdrop buttons. He dipped my leg in milk. FML. | |
| Today, I got into fight with a nerdy seventeen-year-old. I died. He survived. FML. | |
| Today, my hair caught on fire, my nose fell off, and I showed up to court in my pajamas. FML. | |
| Today, I climbed the Empire State Building with the girl I love. Just when I thought everything was going smoothly, tiny airplanes started attacking me. FML. | |
| Today, I shot myself in a club while wearing sweatpants. FML. | |
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