| Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family. |
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| No! No! I don't want to touch you, ever consider that? You are ignorant, and insulting, and small. |
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| Reject a woman and she will never let it go. It's one of the defects of thier kind. Also weak arms. |
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| I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small. Drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretze |
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| I always knew the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be becuase Michael sold the building for some magic beans. |
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| When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than I ever becasue I will have used that time to figure out exactly why |
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| I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself. |
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| I had Martin explain to me 3 times what he got arrested for because it sounds an awful lot like what I do here everyday. |
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| I miss Dwight. Congratulations Universe, You win! |
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| I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death. |
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| Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. |
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| I swallowed a tape worm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me, and then it eats all of my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months, I take s |
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| I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk! Waitresses - hot! Football, Cornell-Hofstra, slaughter! Then quick nap at my pla |
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| Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout. |
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| I am the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Utica branch. Turns out it's an easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend isn't in love with somebody else. |
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| Why is this so hard?... That's what she said. Oh my god, what am I saying? |
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The Office: US
Dunder Mifflin Branches
The Office Pranks
