| Quote | Character | Actor/Actress |
| 'No, no, not 'is'. Wouldn't get very far in life not saying 'is'.' | |
| 'Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!' | |
| 'What . . . is the capital of Assyria?' | |
| Right. Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comming right up.' | |
| 'You're foolin' yourself! We're living in a dictatorship.' | |
| 'Bring out your dead.' | |
| 'Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?' | |
| 'Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!' | |
| ''Once at the number three, being the third number to be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it | |
| 'He's come to rescue me, father!' | |
| 'We'll don't. It's like those miserable psalms, always so depressing.' | |
| 'And that, my liege, is how we know the world is banana shaped.' | |
| 'Look, it's my duty as a knight of Camelot to sample as much peril as I can!' | |
| | Quote | Character | Actor/Actress |
| 'And this isn't my nose . . . it's a false one.' | |
| 'They were more than two laden swallow's flights away, four really, if they had the coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking, and dragging the coconut...' | |
| 'It's only a model.' | |
| 'Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history.' | |
| 'No no no, it's 'Aaaaauuuugggghhhh' from the back of the throat.' | |
| '. . . for death awaits you with all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.' | |
| 'I'm 37, I'm not old.' | |
| ' . . . It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down fell over and then sank into the swamp. | |
| 'Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who!' | |
| 'You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me.' | |
| 'I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper!' | |
| 'What are you gonna do, bleed on me?' | |
| 'It's just a flesh wound!' | |
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