MCKINLEY ATTACKED BY WILD BOAR!
COPPER MINE FIRE ENTERTAINS IDLE RICH
PURE FOOD AND DRUG ACT WILL LIMIT HUMAN-THUMB LEVELS PERMITTED IN MEATS
UNITED STATES LEADS WORLD IN INDUSTRY
PRESIDENT CONFRONTS DEPRESSION WITH 'BIG DEAL' PLAN
BRITISH CROQUET MALLETS PROVE USELESS AT FRONT
WAR OVER AS FRANZ FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE
STALIN ANNOUNCES FIVE-YEAR 'EVERYBODY DIES' PLAN
TEDDY ROOSEVELT ALLOWS THREE OTHERS TO BE CARVED INTO MOUNTAIN
RUSSIANS CONTINUING TO KILL RASPUTIN
LISTERINE COMPANY INVENTS, CURES HALITOSIS
CLARA BOW TO APPEAR SLEEVELESS IN OCTOBER COLLIER'S
LINDBERGH BABY FOUND DEAD
AMELIA EARHART MISSING
HITLER NEUTRALIZES POLISH MENACE
NAGASAKI BOMBED 'JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT'
EVERYTHING'S NIFTY
SINATRA WARNS RUSSKIES TO KNOCK IT OFF
MUHAMMAD ALI REFUSES TO FIGHT VIETNAMESE UNLESS WAR MOVES TO LAS VEGAS
NIXON ESCAPES
NATIONAL MOOD RING GREEN
HINCKLEY, FOSTER TO WED
GRENADA-FALKLANDS SUPERPOWER ALLIANCE MOBILIZES FOR WAR
TYSON ESCAPES FROM RING