| Quote | C or 3? |
|---|
| I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. So either I'm God or truth is relative. In either case, booyah! | |
| I wanna see if those wiener dogs are born that way, or if they start off normal and then get wiener. | |
| I didn't realize we were really good friends. I figured we were more like Chandler and Phoebe; they never really had stories together...Sure, I'll do it, Chandler. | |
| I was going to bring dessert tomorrow, so are there any foods that are making you nauseous lately? Please don't say a half sleeve of Oreos. | |
| No, I can't sleep. You sleep. I'm awake. I don't sleep. I don't blink. Am I bird? No. I'm a bat. I am Batman. Or am I? Yes, I am Batman. | |
-Do you know what Dylan Thomas said about death?
-No, tell me.
-Okay, bluff called. | |
| This isn't even baby vomit on my jacket. It's mine. All mine. | |
-Don't sue a stripper.
-Why not?
-She's a stripper. Life sued her, and she lost. | |
| Your boos are not scaring me. I know most of you are not ghosts. | |
| What is this, Horseville? Because I’m surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay! | |
| Oh, here comes stinky nerd face. Remember, we don't stop until he's crying. | |
-I'm so sorry.
-No, you're right. My feet are long and stupid. You can't unring that bell. | |
-Do you and your wife ever fight?
-Not all the time. After her hysterectomy, she was in a coma, briefly. | |
-You don't have a bag?
-I could never deprive the world of the portion of my chest the strap would cover. | |
-I'm a sexy dracula.
-You mean a vampire?
-I don't need to know which dracula I am to be a dracula. Nerd. | |
| Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven't you ever read my throw pillow? | |
| If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself. | |
| The Italians have a saying...'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' And, although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct. | |
-It's a rare condition called hyper-virility. Apparently my sperm shoot through the egg like bullets. Can you believe that?
-I can't. But you can, so that's fine. | |
| I could hardly drink my morning shower scotch. | |
| I'll give you the same advice my father gave me the night I lost my virginity: just pick one; they all cost the same. | |
-The bathrooms are so much cleaner than at home. I don't know how they do it.
-They clean them. | |
| Those jeans make you look like a Mexican sports reporter. | |
-I knew you would do this, take a happy moment and ruin it, just like you did when I won that scholarship at my high school graduation.
-It should've gone to the other boy! | |
-How many times have I come over and painted your apartment?
-Three, and by the way stop doing that. | |
| I could hardly drink my morning shower scotch. | |
| Do you need a sex tape released? 'Cause I got a weird one; it's night vision and you can see that his buddy is robbing me. | |
-Can we talk? One 'ten' to another?
-I'm an eleven, but continue. | |
| This isn't even baby vomit on my jacket. It's mine. All mine. | |
-I'm feeling pretty drunk.
-Well, it's business drunk, it's like rich drunk. Either way, it's legal to drive. | |
| If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself. | |
| What is this, Horseville? Because I’m surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay! | |
-Do you and your wife ever fight?
-Not all the time. After her hysterectomy, she was in a coma, briefly. | |
-Listen, dammit, I'm a doctor.
-Of history. In what emergency would you be necessary? If someone wanted to know whether the sixties were awesome or not?
-They were! | |
| Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old. | |
-I knew you would do this, take a happy moment and ruin it, just like you did when I won that scholarship at my high school graduation.
-It should've gone to the other boy! | |
| I was going to bring dessert tomorrow, so are there any foods that are making you nauseous lately? Please don't say a half sleeve of Oreos. | |
| The Italians have a saying...'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' And, although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct. | |
| Anyone I ever dated in high school turned out to be either gay or a girl dressed as a guy to get a journalism scholarship. | |
| Your boos are not scaring me. I know most of you are not ghosts. | |
| Those jeans make you look like a Mexican sports reporter. | |
| Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven't you ever read my throw pillow? | |
| It's been a pleasure fighting with you. Some of us won't make it. But there is a place where we will all meet again. And that place is Denny's. | |
| Oh that's sarcasm, but I forgot to inflect. | |
| There's something about you lately... makes me want to put my feet in your mouth. | |
-The bathrooms are so much cleaner than at home. I don't know how they do it.
-They clean them. | |
| You can't force the fate, you just have to let it wash over you like a spray tan that won't take because your skin is too oily. | |
| Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing. I read that on a tea bag. | |
| As soon as my beeper went off I knew it was you. I've got a personalized vibration for each chick I used to put it to. | |
| Thanks, it's my own recipe. I use cheddar cheese instead of water. | |
| We are the only species on earth that observes Shark Week. Sharks don't even observe Shark Week, but we do. | |
| He never wears a shirt; he never wears shoes: Why hasn’t he died from lack of service? | |
| Oh, here comes stinky nerd face. Remember, we don't stop until he's crying. | |
-It's a rare condition called hyper-virility. Apparently my sperm shoot through the egg like bullets. Can you believe that?
-I can't. But you can, so that's fine. | |
| I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. So either I'm God or truth is relative. In either case, booyah! | |
| I didn't realize we were really good friends. I figured we were more like Chandler and Phoebe; they never really had stories together...Sure, I'll do it, Chandler. | |
| Are you two an item? And if so, would that item be impervious to sabotage? | |
| No, I can't sleep. You sleep. I'm awake. I don't sleep. I don't blink. Am I bird? No. I'm a bat. I am Batman. Or am I? Yes, I am Batman. | |
-I'm so sorry.
-No, you're right. My feet are long and stupid. You can't unring that bell. | |
| I wanna see if those wiener dogs are born that way, or if they start off normal and then get wiener. | |
-We should really start learning people's names.
-I agree with the brown Jamie Lee Curtis | |
| I will see you at 6:30, or as we English call it, gravedigger's biscuits. | |
-I'm a sexy dracula.
-You mean a vampire?
-I don't need to know which dracula I am to be a dracula. Nerd. | |
| My nephew Jim was born on the treadmill at Bally Total Fitness; 20% incline. | |
| I'll give you the same advice my father gave me the night I lost my virginity: just pick one; they all cost the same. | |
| Well, I hate to say I told you so, so I'll shout it through cuffed hands: I TOLD YOU SO! | |
-Do you know what Dylan Thomas said about death?
-No, tell me.
-Okay, bluff called. | |
| Well, I don't believe in dibs, or love at first sight, or love, or best friends, or doing things, but it's good you brought this to me. | |
-This sword was one of a kind. It was forged by my ancestors.
-I hump it. | |
| The kid's gonna be a star, he's a young 'the Asian guy from Lost.' | |
-You don't have a bag?
-I could never deprive the world of the portion of my chest the strap would cover. | |
-Don't sue a stripper.
-Why not?
-She's a stripper. Life sued her, and she lost. | |
Sitcoms Starring Black Actors
Arrested Development Quotes
'Community' Characters by Picture
