Sixth U.S. President and the first American to fail to make a better life for himself than his father.
Island prison that was impossible to escape until inmates discovered a free ferry to San Francisco that departed every half hour.
Civil War battle and single bloodiest day in U.S. history, cut short after rival generals Robert E. Lee and George B. McClellan deduced that, with so many many casualties on both sides and no clear-cut winner, they must be fighting all wrong.
First 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution safeguarding such essential rights as freedom of speech, protection from search and seizure, and due process under the law, none of which for some bizarre reason was part of the Constitution to begin with.
Prohibition-era practice in which alcohol was manufactured, transported, and dumped out, as alcohol was illegal at the time.
1773 incident in which 115 colonists, dressed as Indians, and Samuel Adams, dressed as the Green Lantern, boarded ships and dumped british tea into the Boston Harbor.
119-pound marble bust who commanded a 12-legion army, conquered all of Gaul, and expanded the Roman empire across most of Europe and into Africa.
CIA operative who spent more than 50 years gathering valuable intelligence from the highest levels of the government of communist Cuba.
Smallish talking man deployed by Great Britain during the Second World War to talk at the British people.
30th president of the United States, whose shrewd and meticulous planning and political foresight helped guide the United States into the Great Depression.
Italian explorer who searched for an ocean passage to Asia and inadvertently subjugated, enslaved, and murdered untold numbers of Native Americans when he had intended to do those things to the peoples of India.
1962 Cold War confrontation between the United States and the Soviet Union in which the two superpowers completely blew a golden opportunity to have one hell of a war.
English king. He is dead now.
18th-century North American conflict between the English and French that had a devastating impact on many Native American tribes when their members began to pick up extremely irritating habits from the French.
Author, publisher, political theorist, activist, inventor, statesman, diplomat, and postmaster who spread himself way too thin and consequently wasn't especially good at any of those things.
Political and spiritual leader of India who helped the country attain independence through nonviolent tactics because, well, look at the guy.
20th president of the United States, fatally shot after only 200 days in office despite having won the 1880 election on a strict anti-assassination platform.
Brilliant Carthaginian military leader who was one of the most talented generals in history yet could not keep an elephant alive worth a damn.
Misspelling of famed 19th-century lawman Wyatt Earp's name that never happens.
17th president of the United States, whom no one expected to be as great as Lincoln, but he really didn't have to screw it up that badly, did he?
English charter that granted certain civil liberties to subjects of the crown and was etched onto the face and torso of a manservant with a dagger by King John himself in 1215.
African-American Muslim minister and human rights activist who, through a program of self-determination, achieved his lifelong goal of having about one-third of his autobiography skimmed by 17-year-old white high school students.
1945-1946 military tribunals in which 24 high-ranking Nazis were acquitted after their airtight alibis proved they were not in Germany during World War II.
Southern U.S. railroad tycoon and financier who, without knowing that much about him, was probably an overweight man who wore very nice suits and wiped away his sweat with a handkerchief.
Location of a surprise strike by the Japanese military on a U.S. Naval base that, while contemptible, was technically legal, since Emporor Hirohito went before a joint session of the U.S. congress to receive unanimous approval before commencing the attack.
Infamous infantry assault of the American Civil War, notable for the silly way confederate Major General George Pickett led the charge, running with his rear sticking up in the air and stretching both arms in front of his body as if he were reaching to tickle someone.
Conflict fought from 1775 to 1783 between the British Empire and 13 American colonies that probably should have tipped off the rest of the world that the United States was going to be a huge pain in the ass.
First lady who would have completely outshined her husband had she been married to any American president other than Franklin Roosevelt.
American baseball player who completely changed the sport by becoming the first batter to stand up at home plate rather than sit.
Legendary European cosmetologist who invented the haircut in the early 1900s, before which people's hair was only removed by disease or by getting it caught in a gigantic loom or steam saw.
Federal agency responsible for protecting the president of the United States from assassination, unless everything about it feels sort of perfect and potentially era-defining, in which case the assassination is allowed to proceed.
Helen Keller's teacher, who trained her famously deaf and blind student first in obedience and the manual and braille alphabets, and later in stealth reconnaissance, demolitions, and close-quarters combat.
Famed Army general and 12th U.S. president who died in office while valiantly defending his digestive tract in the Battle of Gastroenteritis.
1805 naval engagement between the British and the combined fleets of France and Spain that is considered one of the wettest sea battles in history.
1194 BC conflict with the city of Troy won by the Greek army after it deployed a brilliant military tactic in which a massive, hollowed-out wooden horse was loaded with 30 living horses, each of which was stuffed with a hiding Greek soldier.
South African bishop and activist who ended apartheid in his country by pointing out that it was 1994.
Female alter ego of American President George Washington.
World War I colonel and World War II general who sat during peacetime in a dark room, fists clenched, convulsing.
Japanese maneuver in World War II in which fighter pilots scanned the decks of American naval vessels for the weakest-looking guys and crashed their planes into them.
Meeting of the chief allied leaders of World War II held Feb. 4-11, 1945, that quickly became awkward when Roosevelt, Stalin, and Churchill had to ask the prime minister of the Netherlands, Pieter Sjoerds Gerbrandy, to please leave.