|Quote||C, P, or O|
|I will have the spaghetti and a side salad. If the salad's on top, I will send it back.|
|Why does the Sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody.|
|You should be like Calvin! His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it!|
|Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year. |
|What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he'd just stopped and given up after two rejections? Would've been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier.|
|Oh I'm serious, baby. I am Yahoo Serious. I'm Serious FM. Welcome to the world serious of seriousness sponsored by Honey Nut Seerioes.|
|At that moment, we stopped being a family, and started being a family...in italics.|
|I have it on very good authority that within 20 years everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.|
| What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.|
|I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems'.|
|-It was on company property, with company property. Double jeopardy-we're fine. |
-I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
-Oh, sorry: What is 'we're fine'.
|You drive. I got a car full of fox meat.|
|'When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.' I read that once. On a box of lemonade. But I like to think it applies to life.|
|I'm gonna go see a man about some porcelain, you know what I mean? I'm not buying cocaine. I'm going to the bathroom. The wiz palace as I like to call it.|
|Let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive? |
|Am I going to tell them? No, I'm not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.|
|You know who has real conversations? Ants. They talk by vomiting chemicals in each other's mouths. They get right down to brass tacks.|
|I have run 10 miles a day, every day, for 18 years. That's 65 thousand miles. A third of the way to the moon. My goal is to run to the moon.|
|Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.|
|Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing-which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which was based on Kramer Vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare.|
|When you guys first came in we were as wholesome and healthy as the family in The Brady Bunch. And now we're as dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of The Brady Bunch.|
|No, we leave the TV on all day long so burglars think we're home when we're not. Which is my idea that I'm trying to patent.|
|-Do they do stuff to your butt?|
-Do you get paid more if they do stuff to your butt?
-It's fine. I'll do it. I'm in.
|Haircuts. There are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?|
|The less I know about others' affairs, the happier I am. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.|