|Quote||C, P, or O|
|The less I know about others' affairs, the happier I am. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.|
|I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.|
|Let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive? |
|Of all feelings to base a show around...'glee'? 'Thirst'--now that's a show I'd watch.|
|-You're a football player. It's in your blood!|
|This girl was really rude to me at the mall, so I created a fake IM account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic.|
|-Who the hell is 'Fwarp'?|
-I don't know. I couldn't really hear him. It sounded like his name was Fwarp.
-Get his number?
|Haircuts. There are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?|
|Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing-which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which was based on Kramer Vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare.|
|Why does the Sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody.|
|At that moment, we stopped being a family, and started being a family...in italics.|
|While I was alseep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that but then he got weird.|
|-I noticed you've had a good year. Good boy. You turning that money into more money?|
-Are you referring to alchemy?
|You drive. I got a car full of fox meat.|
|When you guys first came in we were as wholesome and healthy as the family in The Brady Bunch. And now we're as dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of The Brady Bunch.|
|Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year. |
|-What are you reading?|
-Oh! That is my favorite ocean.
|You should be like Calvin! His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it!|
|I'm sorry are you eating Turkey Chili off of a frisbee?|
|Am I going to tell them? No, I'm not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.|
|-We're registered at Linens N' Things.|
-We have plenty of linens; we mainly want the things.
|You know who has real conversations? Ants. They talk by vomiting chemicals in each other's mouths. They get right down to brass tacks.|
|You can yell at me all you want. I've seen enough movies to know that popping the back of raft makes it go faster.|
|-That's one of my biggest fears.|
-If I ever woke up as a doughnut.
-You would eat yourself.
-I wouldn't even question it.
|-It was on company property, with company property. Double jeopardy-we're fine. |
-I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
-Oh, sorry: What is 'we're fine'.