|Quote||C, P, or O|
|-I noticed you've had a good year. Good boy. You turning that money into more money?|
-Are you referring to alchemy?
|-The problem right now is that he's calling me 'baby'. He's trying to hold my hands. It's getting a little relationship-y and...he gave me something.|
|-It was on company property, with company property. Double jeopardy-we're fine. |
-I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
-Oh, sorry: What is 'we're fine'.
|-You're a football player. It's in your blood!|
|And then, my last job was at a Taco Bell Express. But then it became a full-time Taco Bell and...I dunno. I couldn't keep up.|
|Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something.|
|Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie!|
|What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he'd just stopped and given up after two rejections? Would've been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier.|
|You can yell at me all you want. I've seen enough movies to know that popping the back of raft makes it go faster.|
|It's called a Complisult. Part compliment, part insult. He invented them. I coined the term. See what I just did there? That was an explainabrag.|
|I have it on very good authority that within 20 years everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.|
|I have run 10 miles a day, every day, for 18 years. That's 65 thousand miles. A third of the way to the moon. My goal is to run to the moon.|
|You know who has real conversations? Ants. They talk by vomiting chemicals in each other's mouths. They get right down to brass tacks.|
|Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.|
|I was never one to hold a grudge. My father held grudges. I'll always hate him for that.|
|-What are you reading?|
-Oh! That is my favorite ocean.
|I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.|
|Let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive? |
|At that moment, we stopped being a family, and started being a family...in italics.|
|She has more fights about stuff that doesn't matter than a YouTube comment section.|
|Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing-which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which was based on Kramer Vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare.|
|I call eggs pre-birds, or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks...food rakes.|
|I will have the spaghetti and a side salad. If the salad's on top, I will send it back.|
|-We're registered at Linens N' Things.|
-We have plenty of linens; we mainly want the things.
|You should be like Calvin! His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it!|
|Haircuts. There are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?|