|Quote||C, P, or O|
|What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he'd just stopped and given up after two rejections? Would've been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier.|
|I have it on very good authority that within 20 years everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.|
|-Who the hell is 'Fwarp'?|
-I don't know. I couldn't really hear him. It sounded like his name was Fwarp.
-Get his number?
|I have run 10 miles a day, every day, for 18 years. That's 65 thousand miles. A third of the way to the moon. My goal is to run to the moon.|
|She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy you can just tell people she's crazy. That's what they always do on Entourage.|
|I call eggs pre-birds, or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks...food rakes.|
|At that moment, we stopped being a family, and started being a family...in italics.|
|-You're a football player. It's in your blood!|
|When you guys first came in we were as wholesome and healthy as the family in The Brady Bunch. And now we're as dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of The Brady Bunch.|
|Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie!|
|Oh I'm serious, baby. I am Yahoo Serious. I'm Serious FM. Welcome to the world serious of seriousness sponsored by Honey Nut Seerioes.|
|While I was alseep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that but then he got weird.|
|My goal was to learn a new word every day, and I must say that it is going immensely.|
|I'm sorry are you eating Turkey Chili off of a frisbee?|
|You should be like Calvin! His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it!|
|This girl was really rude to me at the mall, so I created a fake IM account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic.|
|I will have the spaghetti and a side salad. If the salad's on top, I will send it back.|
|-That's one of my biggest fears.|
-If I ever woke up as a doughnut.
-You would eat yourself.
-I wouldn't even question it.
|Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.|
|I'm gonna go see a man about some porcelain, you know what I mean? I'm not buying cocaine. I'm going to the bathroom. The wiz palace as I like to call it.|
|Haircuts. There are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?|
| What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.|
|-I have a hernia.|
-Do you have syphilis?
-I said I have a hernia.
-I know. It's possible to have two things at once.
|I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.|
|Am I going to tell them? No, I'm not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.|
|-We're registered at Linens N' Things.|
-We have plenty of linens; we mainly want the things.