|Quote||C, P, or O|
|The less I know about others' affairs, the happier I am. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.|
|You should be like Calvin! His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it!|
|Am I going to tell them? No, I'm not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.|
|I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.|
| What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.|
|You drive. I got a car full of fox meat.|
|Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing-which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which was based on Kramer Vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare.|
|Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.|
|-We're registered at Linens N' Things.|
-We have plenty of linens; we mainly want the things.
|I have it on very good authority that within 20 years everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.|
|What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he'd just stopped and given up after two rejections? Would've been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier.|
|Why does the Sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody.|
|And then, my last job was at a Taco Bell Express. But then it became a full-time Taco Bell and...I dunno. I couldn't keep up.|
|-I have a hernia.|
-Do you have syphilis?
-I said I have a hernia.
-I know. It's possible to have two things at once.
|-That's one of my biggest fears.|
-If I ever woke up as a doughnut.
-You would eat yourself.
-I wouldn't even question it.
|Oh I'm serious, baby. I am Yahoo Serious. I'm Serious FM. Welcome to the world serious of seriousness sponsored by Honey Nut Seerioes.|
|What is it about me that make broken people flock to me? Is it my height? Do huddled masses mistake me for the statue of liberty?|
|I'm sorry are you eating Turkey Chili off of a frisbee?|
|She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy you can just tell people she's crazy. That's what they always do on Entourage.|
|You know who has real conversations? Ants. They talk by vomiting chemicals in each other's mouths. They get right down to brass tacks.|
|I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems'.|
|Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something.|
|At that moment, we stopped being a family, and started being a family...in italics.|
|My goal was to learn a new word every day, and I must say that it is going immensely.|
|Let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive? |
|'When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.' I read that once. On a box of lemonade. But I like to think it applies to life.|