|Quote||C, P, or O|
|This girl was really rude to me at the mall, so I created a fake IM account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic.|
|-What are you reading?|
-Oh! That is my favorite ocean.
|At that moment, we stopped being a family, and started being a family...in italics.|
|I have it on very good authority that within 20 years everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.|
|Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie!|
|You drive. I got a car full of fox meat.|
|No, we leave the TV on all day long so burglars think we're home when we're not. Which is my idea that I'm trying to patent.|
|It's called a Complisult. Part compliment, part insult. He invented them. I coined the term. See what I just did there? That was an explainabrag.|
|Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year. |
|I have run 10 miles a day, every day, for 18 years. That's 65 thousand miles. A third of the way to the moon. My goal is to run to the moon.|
|-You're a football player. It's in your blood!|
|-The problem right now is that he's calling me 'baby'. He's trying to hold my hands. It's getting a little relationship-y and...he gave me something.|
|You can yell at me all you want. I've seen enough movies to know that popping the back of raft makes it go faster.|
|Let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive? |
|The less I know about others' affairs, the happier I am. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.|
|I'm sorry are you eating Turkey Chili off of a frisbee?|
|I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems'.|
|I wish my mouth was farther away from my brain. I wish my brain had its own brain.|
|-Who the hell is 'Fwarp'?|
-I don't know. I couldn't really hear him. It sounded like his name was Fwarp.
-Get his number?
|-We're registered at Linens N' Things.|
-We have plenty of linens; we mainly want the things.
|What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he'd just stopped and given up after two rejections? Would've been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier.|
|I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.|
|Haircuts. There are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?|
|My goal was to learn a new word every day, and I must say that it is going immensely.|
|Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don't Cost a Thing-which is based on Can't Buy Me Love, which was based on Kramer Vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare.|
| What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.|