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Can you pick the line that continues each Mitch Hedberg quote?
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Correctly selected answers will show up in green
Mitch Hedberg Jokes
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I used to do drugs…
I'm against picketing…
I haven't slept for ten days…
This shirt is 'dry-clean only', which means…
I like vending machines...
My fake plants died…
When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed…
I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map…
I order the club sandwich all the time…
I saw this wino; he was eating grapes...
An escalator can never break…
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus…
If I had a dollar for every time I said that…
I'm an ice sculptor…
If you have dentures, don't use artificial sweetener…
I have a vest…
I went to a record store that specialized in hard-to-find records…
I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry…
I love my Fed-Ex guy...
I'm glad they made Flintstones vitamins because I used to watch The Flintstones and go…
I find a duck's opinion of me…
Here's a thought for sweat shop owners…
I don't have a girlfriend…
I don't own a cell phone or pager…
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling…
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get…
Wearing a turtleneck…
When someone tries to hand me a flier, it's kinda like they're saying…
I would imagine if you understood Morse Code…
He's a hard act to follow. I'm a hard act to follow too…
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one…
I think Pringles' original intention…
You go to the grocery store you see turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna. Somebody needs to tell the turkeys…
A fly was very close to being called a 'land'…
I wanna be a race car passenger. Just a guy who bugs the driver…
If carrots got you drunk…
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(Warning: comments may contain spoilers)
Follow That Line: Mitch Hedberg Quiz
Created Jul 31, 2012 in
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Jul 31st, 2012 at 18:49 GMT
I had this idea floating around for a while but never got around to actually doing the legwork, aka listening to great comedy. Awesome job. "You'd never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out of Order' sign. Just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience.'"
Jul 31st, 2012 at 19:54 GMT
Aug 5th, 2012 at 22:55 GMT
You ****ers are selfish. The Dufresnes are in someone's drunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths, and they're hungry. Bush,
party of three. You can eat when you find the Dufresnes.
Aug 7th, 2012 at 07:35 GMT
I was lucky enough to see him perform in a small club in Baltimore in 2002. R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg.
Aug 7th, 2012 at 07:42 GMT
Thank you, crow_t_robot. First of all, for being crow_t_robot, and second of all, for mentioning the Dufresnes joke. I was going to, but now that is unnecessary.
Aug 9th, 2012 at 13:06 GMT
Ducks eat free at Subway.
Aug 9th, 2012 at 18:50 GMT
It makes me happy that this quiz exists now.
May 20th, 2013 at 21:57 GMT
True genius. RIP Mitch.
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