“Sorry everybody thinks you’re a man Aunt Peggy. You know how everybody is.”

“Snake scandal de-value my property more than Dauterive sunbathing on front lawn. It’s true. I checked.”

“Consumption. Drink. Imposter. Madhouse. Public madhouse. Baron. Baron. Baron. Well pretty much this whole left side – leaving only us.”

“Everybody goes to the prom now, even the crippled and the gay.”

“Your beard’s a girl?”

“Now I know what it’s like to smoke crack. I took one hit of real estate and it blew off my skull.”

“This is a disaster of biblical proportions.”

Oh God, I just stabbed a parking attendant. Where’s the button to turn myself in?”

“If you have any better ideas than a murder/suicide I would love to hear it.”

“Just do it. But don’t do it too much or you’ll end up with a mustache.”

“Question: Who is Dirk? What is a rapid release protein supplement? Where is your pump? And why does Dirk want you to max it?”

“I find that 3ccs dulls the pain without affecting the admissibility of my testimony.”