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'All I did was tell a little joke! Second of all, women are not people.'
'Hey Lois, I spend the afternoon making a list of famous Armenians. Eric Bogosian. Andre Agassi. Jerry 'the Shark' Tarkanian.'
'It was a bunch of Saudi Arabians, Lebanese, and Egyptians financed by a Saudi Arabian guy living in Afghanistan and sheltered by Pakistanis.'
'But I've taken on bigger challenges before. I had to explain to America why Heidi Klum broke up with Seal.'
'Alright, if you want to live, come with me!'
'Hey, did you hook up with hWhoopi Goldberg on the show?'
'My god, he just walked right over the edge!'
'I once tried to clone a chicken; the result was a man-size chicken that was incredibly hostile and ended up escaping from the lab.'
'That place is strong with the dark side.'
'Don't worry, Brian. He's being examined by top men.' 'Who?'
'I answer to a higher power. I answer to the power of Jesus Christ.' 'Oh, that's funny, because I have happen to have Jesus Christ right here.'
'Aw, dammit. That was Fox News.'
'You will recall last night, ere I drifted off in to slumber with a nudie magazine betwixt my legs, I spake thusly:'
'But of course! That was my victory day - the fruition of my deeply laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarian Bastille!'
'Sometimes I feel more useless than the head of the maid's union.'...'Now what are your demands?'
'You know what really grinds my gears?'
'No, you read it.' 'Okay, let's...let's both read it together.' 'Here's Ollie Williams with the Black-u-weather forecast.' 'How's the weather, Ollie?'
'..Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddie, The $treet, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Luis and Greg the Bunny' 'Is there no hope?'
'Look! G.I. Joe, Transformers, Thundercats, He-Man! Yay! Those shows existed!' 'How does it feel to be on a major network for 30 seconds?'
'We got to get her half-naked and put her up front center stage. That's gonna make you all billionaires, because America loves hot white jailbait ass.'
'Lois, I could lose my presidency!' 'Too bad, I've already lost more than that.'
'Fellas, fellas, 'esoteric' means delicious.' 'Lois, 'Who's the Boss' is not a food!'
'It's just been revoked!'
'Wait, why are you taking the back way home? There are so many turns.'
'But then, Jesus, which religion should our family be?'
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