50 Parks and Recreation Quotes

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Can you name the Parks and Recreation Quotes?

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QuoteCharacter Name
My father told me that a limp handshake was for weak men and communists. He hated both.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
Call me a romantic, but I believe by the end of the night I will have between one and four new girlfriends.
Ten cosmos. Eight Smirnoff Ices. And everything else starts with the word pomegranate. Aw, was it your bachelorette party?
But if you find him and he's weird, like a ventriloquist or a puppeteer or anyone who pretends toys are people, then abort the mission.
Coffee is my favorite non-alcoholic hot drink, except for hot tea. And hot orange juice. Weirdly delicious.
Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy. Easy. Boom, a sad desk. Boom, sad wall. It's art. Anything is anything.
Diabetes. Yuck. Tonight we're hoping the people of Pawnee dig their big, chubby hands into their plus-sized pockets and donate generously.
Do you want me to postpone the rest? Or I could set myself on fire and create a diversion.
It's the biggest catalog of the year. Think of the September issue of Vogue, but it's more important to Pawnee. Mainly because we don't get Vogue here.
I had a dream. That she came into this room. Stole all my flu medicine and told me not to tell you and disappeared through that hole in the wall.
Pawnee is the fourth most obese city in America. The kids here are just beefy. They're husky, big-boned, chunk monsters.
And then, this is a human-size hamster wheel that will be next to the mural, if we can get one. And it'll be spinning and there will be like a fat guy in it all the time like screa
QuoteCharacter Name
The Super Bowl is in a couple months. I usually watch it with my brothers, maybe you can come by during halftime and shoot me in the head?
I've always wanted a doorman, named Ernie. That would be awesome. Or Kip. I'm pretty flexible on that.
Skywriting isn't always positive.
I know what'll loosen up our brains. Massage train. And, I know what you're thinking. It's not that I want a massage; I'll be the caboose. And Ron Swanson is the locomotive.
Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.
Pawnee is the opposite of hip. People in this town are just now getting into Nirvana. I don't have the heart to tell them what's gonna happen to Kurt Cobain in 1994.
Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.
I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.
Look, we can dance all day, but it's time to step up. Are you buying four thousand rubber nipples from me or not?
I would like some wine. And oops, my vest popped open. Just like the budget needs to pop open. And you need to pour it into my parks department.
Chuck E. Cheese could run the parks. Everything operated by tokens. Drop in a token, go on the swing set. Drop in another token, take a walk. Drop in a token, look at a duck.
I love you, Tom. You're my lil' prince. Just want to put you in a little cape and a little hat and just fly you around.
Tell the truth and shame the devil. The devil knows where you're hiding. If you take enough rides with the devil pretty soon he's going to drive. She was really into the devil.
QuoteCharacter Name
The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful.
Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal if breakfast cereal.
How's this for a headline? Parks department foiled by pipe dreams.
My parents had it amended. I don't get anything until I'm 50, which is a waste because I'm going to be a billionaire in Costa Rica by then. Eatin' dolphin and hangin' out.
I can't go back there. But if you see Jasmine tell her she can keep Anfernee, but I want my microwave back.
I got my first job when I was 9. Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor. Child labor laws are ruining this country.
When does practice start? And do you provide the jerseys? What color are the jerseys by the way? What's our team name? Are we the lightning?
Hey, Ron. Did we make out last night?
We captured a possum and we brought it into your house and it got out and it might have laid eggs in your bed.
I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.
I want to open up my own club one day, maybe call it something like Club a Dub Dub, or the Club Marine. Sort of a submarine-themed club.
My marbles are full of mouth today.
Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.
QuoteCharacter Name
Newspaper headline was 'Ice Town costs ice clown his town crown.'
If I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson, he would forget all about Skinny legs Magee. I'll tell you that much.
I hit rock bottom that night. I mean I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. I remember laying there thinking, there's probably a good reason why I'm down here. And
Torple. What? I don't know. That's not a name. I don't have a niece. My niece's name is Stephanie?
I'd like you to get me some more post-its. I'd like them in multiple colors. I'd like green. I'd like yellow. Do not buy orange. I do not want orange. I have plenty of orange.
I'm an official member of a task force dedicated to slashing the city budget. Just saying that gave me a semi.
Look, who hasn't had gay thoughts? Who?
The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history. They're mean, conniving, rude and extremely well read, which makes them very dangerous.
We're acting under direct orders from Mayor Gunderson's dog.
Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner because I've won an award.
Idaho cut their parks department by 80 percent. And Idaho is basically one giant park.

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