50 NBC Community Quotes

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QuoteCharacter Name
I was going to sign up for a class to make an online dating profile, but sailing in the parking lot sounds less pathetic.
You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it.
She's a stripper. Life sued her and she lost.
They can make us sick by biting us. The banana said so.
Greendale needs a win. The best compliment our sports program gets is that our basketball team is really gay.
Which would make me 20, because everyone is 10 for two years. Because fifth grade is really hard for every...one.
I actually withdraw my candidacy. I fear a political career will shine a negative light on my drug dealing.
A little trick for achieving the proper competitive mindset: I always envision my opponent having aggressive sex with my mother
Shouldn't there be a board, or pieces or something to Jenga?
The text message was sent exclusively to black students, and one French kid named LeBron.
Sounds like someone has the case of 'someone likes to use fringe politics to make themselves feel special but doesn't want to do anything'-itis
It's not a meteor; it's a cookie wand. Me and Jeff made it because it made you look more like the Cookie Crisp wizard, which is not even a reference I get because the Cookie Crisp
My brother died on the set of that movie! One of the mechanical spiders just went haywire and tore him to pieces, and Tom Selleck just stood there and watched him die.
QuoteCharacter Name
I can't say no to those big doe eyes. It's like strangling a mermaid with a bike chain.
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Cancer. Oh good, come in. I thought it was Britta.
There is a time and a place for subtlety, and that time was before Scary Movie.
Well, what if I share all the stuff you say? He thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls.
For your information, I don't have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape.
Can we make this quick? I have to give a banana to Annie's Boobs.
Looks like the law firm of Slumdog and Seacrest is taking the day off.
I have always dreamt of playing charades with you, Jeffrey. Just not like this. And not on dry land.
You're racist! Just been proven racist by the racist prover.
I don't need to know which dracula I am to be a dracula. Nerd.
If one of us dies, we stage it to look like a suicide caused by the unjust cancellation of Firefly. We're gonna get that show back on the air buddy!
I wish I was a book. She could pick me up, flip through my pages. Make sure nobody drew wieners in me.
Word of advice: If an Asian man says he's a Spanish teacher, it's not racist to ask for proof.
QuoteCharacter Name
Will someone back me up if I say this is ridiculous or is this going to be another Avatar situation?
Did you say 'keytar'? Or did you just pronounce 'guitar' like a hillbilly
That's before he started using his name as a pun. It's making me so Changry.
Women of Greendale! This cafeteria is hereby declared a bitch-free zone!
It was the pills, they just took me over. I saw awful things: aliens, demons, Critters 3, and something called Bruce Willis Surrogates.
Actually, everyone is my bro in the whole entire universe because everything is connected. Rocks... eagles... hats.
I can't have children. I'm not sterile. In fact, it's a rare condition they call it hyper virility. Apparently my sperm shoot through the egg if you can believe it
That's G, the most important chord. In my mind, it stands for God.
Is Pierce marijuana, and does marijuana help people move faster? I thought it just made them custom paint vans and solve mysteries.
Why name your daughter Megan? Are you stocking up for a bitch shortage?
Accidents don't just happen over and over and over again. This isn't budget daycare.
I'd like to have a preliminary pow-wow, or prelimawow, about what I'm calling our library's back-door conumdrum.
Did you know there's an island in Indonesia where you can hunt people?
QuoteCharacter Name
I'm not the worker-bee type. I'm more of a silver back gorilla with the claws of a lion, the teeth of a shark and the quiet dignity of a tortoise.
I was never one to hold a grudge, Jeffrey. My father held grudges. I'll always hate him for that.
If I could just take a moment to share a few words of sarcasm with whoever it is that took this pen. I wanna say thank you for doing this to me.
Tell me how to get this laid-back, or I'll kill your families!
I wanna see if those wiener dogs are born that way, or if they start off normal and then get wiener.
The minute before you thought about busting us, that was the minute you had chicken in your hands.
Hold on a sec. I need to use my force field to prevent Chang from getting food.
Two people of your rankings in this small room, with this type of lighting, and his upper body, and what her heels and hemlines are doing
Well that answers my question. Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin.
You ever go into the bathroom and find parsley in your teeth that your friends hadn't told you about? Now imagine your teeth are a uterus and that parsley is a half-chinese baby.
Can't I be the friend in the group whose trademark is his well-defined boundaries like Privacy Smurf, Discrete Bear or Confidentiality Spice?

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