50 NBC Community Quotes

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QuoteCharacter Name
Looks like the law firm of Slumdog and Seacrest is taking the day off.
Tell me how to get this laid-back, or I'll kill your families!
I can't have children. I'm not sterile. In fact, it's a rare condition they call it hyper virility. Apparently my sperm shoot through the egg if you can believe it
It was the pills, they just took me over. I saw awful things: aliens, demons, Critters 3, and something called Bruce Willis Surrogates.
The minute before you thought about busting us, that was the minute you had chicken in your hands.
They can make us sick by biting us. The banana said so.
You ever go into the bathroom and find parsley in your teeth that your friends hadn't told you about? Now imagine your teeth are a uterus and that parsley is a half-chinese baby.
Is Pierce marijuana, and does marijuana help people move faster? I thought it just made them custom paint vans and solve mysteries.
If I could just take a moment to share a few words of sarcasm with whoever it is that took this pen. I wanna say thank you for doing this to me.
It's not a meteor; it's a cookie wand. Me and Jeff made it because it made you look more like the Cookie Crisp wizard, which is not even a reference I get because the Cookie Crisp
Which would make me 20, because everyone is 10 for two years. Because fifth grade is really hard for every...one.
A little trick for achieving the proper competitive mindset: I always envision my opponent having aggressive sex with my mother
For your information, I don't have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape.
QuoteCharacter Name
If one of us dies, we stage it to look like a suicide caused by the unjust cancellation of Firefly. We're gonna get that show back on the air buddy!
Accidents don't just happen over and over and over again. This isn't budget daycare.
I have always dreamt of playing charades with you, Jeffrey. Just not like this. And not on dry land.
Did you know there's an island in Indonesia where you can hunt people?
Well, what if I share all the stuff you say? He thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls.
Why name your daughter Megan? Are you stocking up for a bitch shortage?
Sounds like someone has the case of 'someone likes to use fringe politics to make themselves feel special but doesn't want to do anything'-itis
She's a stripper. Life sued her and she lost.
I'm not the worker-bee type. I'm more of a silver back gorilla with the claws of a lion, the teeth of a shark and the quiet dignity of a tortoise.
I actually withdraw my candidacy. I fear a political career will shine a negative light on my drug dealing.
Hold on a sec. I need to use my force field to prevent Chang from getting food.
I don't need to know which dracula I am to be a dracula. Nerd.
That's G, the most important chord. In my mind, it stands for God.
QuoteCharacter Name
You're racist! Just been proven racist by the racist prover.
Can we make this quick? I have to give a banana to Annie's Boobs.
Women of Greendale! This cafeteria is hereby declared a bitch-free zone!
Two people of your rankings in this small room, with this type of lighting, and his upper body, and what her heels and hemlines are doing
I was never one to hold a grudge, Jeffrey. My father held grudges. I'll always hate him for that.
Word of advice: If an Asian man says he's a Spanish teacher, it's not racist to ask for proof.
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Cancer. Oh good, come in. I thought it was Britta.
That's before he started using his name as a pun. It's making me so Changry.
I was going to sign up for a class to make an online dating profile, but sailing in the parking lot sounds less pathetic.
I wish I was a book. She could pick me up, flip through my pages. Make sure nobody drew wieners in me.
Well that answers my question. Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin.
Did you say 'keytar'? Or did you just pronounce 'guitar' like a hillbilly
I wanna see if those wiener dogs are born that way, or if they start off normal and then get wiener.
QuoteCharacter Name
There is a time and a place for subtlety, and that time was before Scary Movie.
Greendale needs a win. The best compliment our sports program gets is that our basketball team is really gay.
Will someone back me up if I say this is ridiculous or is this going to be another Avatar situation?
I can't say no to those big doe eyes. It's like strangling a mermaid with a bike chain.
Can't I be the friend in the group whose trademark is his well-defined boundaries like Privacy Smurf, Discrete Bear or Confidentiality Spice?
Shouldn't there be a board, or pieces or something to Jenga?
Actually, everyone is my bro in the whole entire universe because everything is connected. Rocks... eagles... hats.
My brother died on the set of that movie! One of the mechanical spiders just went haywire and tore him to pieces, and Tom Selleck just stood there and watched him die.
You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it.
The text message was sent exclusively to black students, and one French kid named LeBron.
I'd like to have a preliminary pow-wow, or prelimawow, about what I'm calling our library's back-door conumdrum.

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