| Quote | FRIEND | Episode |
| Really? I don't remember you making any sperm. | |
| Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD. | |
| You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. | |
| Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian, believe you me. | |
| I smell smoke. Maybe that's because someone's pants are on fire. | |
| It's not going to happen. They're doing it tonight. We can do it tomorrow. | |
| What a jerk. I kept talking about you and he kept asking me out. | |
| See, we both have this list of five famous people. And you're one of mine, so I'm allowed to sleep with you. | |
| You do not bring a picnic to somebody's work... unless maybe they were a park ranger. | |
| Has anyone seen my left boob? | |
| This guy is so stupid. It's Count Rushmore! | |
| That's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me... because of the restraining order. | |
| | Quote | FRIEND | Episode |
| Hey, that's the day after I start menstruating. | |
| Limited seating, my ass. Let's see who made the cut. | |
| I'm in Vice. Yeah, um, in fact, I'm undercover right now. I'm a ****. | |
| By the way, if it makes you feel any better, I happen to like eight-year-old boys. | |
| You guys, I'm telling you, when she runs, she looks like a cross between Kermit the Frog and the Six Million Dollar Man. | |
| Joey's got a really bad hernia, but it's nothing that a little laser eye surgery won't fix. | |
| Dearly beloved... I'm sorry I'm late. | |
| And now it's five years later, the doughnut's gone, and I'm still Toby. | |
| I saw what you were doing in Tulsa. Angry sharks turn you on. | |
| Yeah, remember that time in high school and I died and didn't give you my baby | |
| One Mississipi, two Mississipi, Three Mis...WAIT! WAIT! I'm not-I've not finished counting! | |
| Oh yeah, okay. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume! | |
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