| FML | Novel/Poem/Play |
|---|
| Today, I wandered around Dublin for hours and hours. I got abused for being Jewish. And my wife's having an affair. FML | |
| Today, I found my girlfriend dead so I poisoned myself. Turns out she was only sleeping. FML | |
| Today, my master attacked some 'giants'. They were windmills. FML | |
| Today, I successfully led a revolution. Then my 'friend' (what a pig) had me hounded out. FML | |
| Today, I was listening to some Ludwig Van when suddenly I got a pain in my keeshkas and felt really bolnoy. FML | |
| Today, I realised that my landlady, who I hate, is in love with me. I'm in love with her 12 year-old daughter. FML | |
| Today, my hometown, Troy, was attacked. As we fled, I was pleased I'd remembered my household gods. I lost my wife though. FML | |
| Today, I finally got the girl I've been chasing after. Then I found out she's my mother. FML | |
| Today, I was at sea and killed an albatross. Now I'm forced to wear it around my neck. FML | |
| Today, I finally escaped from WW1 and my wife went into labour. The baby died. Then she died. Then I had to walk back to the hotel in the rain. FML | |
| Today, I killed a money-lender and her sister. Then I went a bit crazy, befriended a prostitute, and got caught. Not even sure why I killed them. FML | |
| Today, I ate a madeleine. Now I have seven volumes worth of memories to write. FML | |
| Today, my uncle left me a ring. Someone else has their Eye on it but when I wear it I still feel like I'm invisible. FML | |
| Today, I waited to meet someone. He didn't come. The same thing happened yesterday. FML | |
| Today, on my 30th birthday, I was arrested. I have no idea what for. FML | |
| Today, after eventually reaching Transylvania, I met the count. He sucks. FML | |
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