| Quote | Character |
| 'Get involved? Who said get involved? I'm just saying we should have sex! Having sex is fun!' | |
| 'Bring me the dirtiest, greasiest Tuna Melt you got. And a milkshake.' | |
| 'St. Peter's, 8:45 AM. It's my favorite service.' | |
| 'Stanley Cup. Game six, eh? The Rangers are about to be sorry they ever played shinny with the Canucks.' | |
| '2 out of 3 times. Guaranteed.' | |
| 'Oh, Lily. TMI. Too many informations.' | |
| 'After he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, I made an impromptu presentation using a four prong approach which really brought him to his knees.' | |
| | Quote | Character |
| 'What are we talking of? Baseball?' | |
| 'Have you met the Awesomes? Their son Totally and their daughter Freaking?' | |
| 'Cats: hated the musical, love the animal.' | |
| 'Dude, the foliage this time of year in Vermont is redonkulous.' | |
| 'I want this tower to rise from a thicket of wild, ungroomed, brunette shrubbery. Can you picture it?' | |
| 'I just went skinny sky diving: legendary. And my laser tag team just made it to regional finals: legendarier!' | |
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