| Roast | Character |
|---|
| You're old, you're creepy, and you're going to die - No, you can't do it | |
| You love your mom, your mom hates you, and you're a criminal, doesn't your life suck | |
| Protector of the island, until you ate all the food on it, in 3 days, fatty | |
| All the girl fans love you, until you meet a cliff, OWNED | |
| You're a bitch, plain and simple, and you're skinnier than Hurley's leg | |
| You're considered special by the Others... special needs | |
| You're gay, fat, ugly, and get shot, go grow a real beard. | |
| Want something to fix? Learn how to shave, besides, everyone knows Sawyer's better | |
| Your son hates you, your wife hates you, fans of the show hate you, have fun whispering | |
| Your baby's ugly, annoying, and probably smells, you're the worst mother alive | |
| | Roast | Character |
|---|
| You steal babies.. because obviously no one would want to make one with you looking at that Yoda face | |
| The song sucks man, it's going nowhere, try selling copiers | |
| You survive a plane crash, cancer, flaming arrows, yet kick people out of your house, good luck with that dentist | |
| You're Middle Eas... nevermind, don't want to get tortured | |
| You actually die because of time traveling, boo hoo, most pathetic death ever | |
| You act like a bad ass for 2000 years, then get killed by a woman, who's the tough guy now? | |
| You finally see your wife again.. only to be drowned the next day, once again, OWNED | |
| You didn't get buried alive by accident, they damn well knew what they were doing, Razzle Dazzle bitch! | |
| You just barge onto the island like you own the place, you think you know Jacob, nobody likes you, and then literally.... BOOM! ROASTED! | |
| You were about to go on a date with a 400lb man, trust me, Michael did you a favor | |
|
LOST: Castaways of Oceanic 815
LOST: Sawyer Nicknames
LOST: Surnames
