In an emergency power situation a hologramatic crewmember must lay down his life in order that the living crewmembers might survive.

Step up to Red Alert!

Lister, last time I only failed by the narrowest of narrow margins.

Well, we didn't use it all, Lister. Who did?

Please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit!

It's a state-of-the-art sarnie!

Look... In three million years, you'll be dead.

Maybe we've been alone in deep space for too long but every time I see that show, her body drives me crazy. Is it just me?

Abandon shi- Oh God, now the siren's bust....

I propose we hit it hard and we hit it fast

Things to do: Stop milk. Pay papers.

No silicon heaven? Preposterous!

Sir, would you describe the accused as a friend?

I recognize you two.

Ace and Skipper?

Winnie the Pooh, I'm being serious!

They've taken Mr. Rimmer! Sir, they've taken Mr. Rimmer!

Justify your existence. What contribution have you made?

I don't loathe myself. What is there one could possibly loathe about me?

What happens to naughty boys who've been naughty, Mr Flibble?

Many Wurlitzers are missing from my database.

So, if you'll forgive the confrontational imperative

Look what it did to me!

We're still in deep space, sir, only now we're in deep space in the 15th century.

He said I was a whining nancy-boy with girlie white legs, then pummelled me repeatedly with his book, Showing Compassion to Inmates.

Ah, brilliant! What have I got to do?

And then there's these: tragically unfashionable underpants.

Surely that's impossible without at least one live chicken

Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial.

Change of plan.

We could go to Dallas in November, 1963, stand on the grassy knoll and shout 'Duck!'