| Quote | Alias |
| What the hey, it's better than Irwin. | |
| For an extra grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner | |
| No children? No elephant books. | |
| I'm here to check Alan Stanwyk's file. | |
| Doctor who? | |
| Where's the records room? | |
| It's Scotch-Romanian. | |
| Comanche Indian | |
| I'm calling about some ranch property I'd like to buy. | |
| I'm a shephard. | |
| It's all ball-bearings nowadays. | |
| Mrs. Cavangh's cousin. | |
| Doesn't mean I want her sitting next to me. | |
| My parents were fans of the former president. | |
| | Quote | Alias |
| If it's a reporter, cripple him. | |
| What's your name, little lady? | |
| She be Ms. Trigonometry Ross | |
| I love the Fightin' Irish | |
| Bend over. Ben, nice to meet you... | |
| They're speaking some kind of African dialect. | |
| Bugbusters. | |
| What happened? Did I black out? | |
| Rid this man of these headache demons. | |
| Your house is on fire. | |
| Now I own the whole thing. | |
| I go through five of these suits a day. | |
| The second. | |
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