| Quote | Movie | Year |
| 'A girl in Illinois who walks through walls. What's to stop her from walking into a bank vault? Or into the White House? Or into their houses?' | |
| 'The drummer boy from Illinois went crash, boom, bang.' | |
| 'I live in Aurora, Illinois, which is a suburb of Chicago. Excellent!' | |
| 'Welcome to the Illinois High School Mathletes State Championship. Let's start the competition. Here is the first question.' | |
| 'I hate Illinois Nazis.' | |
| 'He adored me for nine years. Me. And she's known him for about five seconds. But she's rich and perfect. So don't go feeling sorry for Miss Pre-teen Illinois. I can't lose him...' | |
| 'I was in a barbershop quartet in Skokie, Illinois. The baritone was a guy named Kip Diskin. Big, fat guy. I mean, like, orca fat. ' | |
| 'I became operational at the HAL plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January, 1992. | |
| 'In the U.S., only one state requires mandatory physical education for grades k-12. It's also one of the fattest - Illinois.' | |
| 'That's a map of Illinois, which we're in. On the border of Iowa. Which is where Davenport is, 22 mi away. You're in the wrong state. Get yourself a new map!' | |