You awake in a small, locked cell, lying upon a bed of loose straw. You recall that you are the famed wizard Sporclin. Cast a spell on the lock to escape.

Beyond the smashed remnants of the door, a corridor stretches on ahead. A burly guard blocks your path. Attack him!

Good. Your killing curse leaves the guard in a crumpled heap in the middle of the floor. What now?

A faint burning odour emanates from the fresh corpse. You add his HANDCUFFS and NOTEBOOK to your inventory. -Leave Corridor-

Your exit is barred by an electronic gate signposted Mess Hall - you seem to be incarcerated in a some kind of military facility. Your spells have no effect on the gate's keypad.

The recently deceased guard seems to have had trouble remembering the facility's passcode systems. -Continue Reading Notebook-

His scribblings seem to suggest that the passcodes are all Sporcle category names which correspond to the first letter(s) of the room being entered.

*Bleep* **Whirrrrr** {Authorisation Required - Enter word 1 of passcode now} {Failure to comply will result in immediate termination}

*Ka-BOING* *rrBeep* {Passcode Part 1 accepted - Enter word 2 of passcode now}

The gate clangs open and gives you a happy sounding *Bibble-de-Bleep* to signal you to pass. You sneak into the Mess Hall. It's mercifully empty.

There are two electronic gates in this room. One to the left marked Gymnasium and one to the right marked Storage. -Continue Scanning Mess Hall-

In the middle of the room stands a single, long table. The room is bare of any other furnishings save for a rather nice painting on the wall opposite.

You find a SHARP KNIFE which could be useful and add it to your inventory. You then spot a SMALL NOTE.

The note reads: All units are to report for training in the Gymnasium immediately following brunch. The note is of no use to you so you leave it where it is.

*Bloop-Bloop* {Warning! Warning! Failure to enter correct passcode will result in your immediate eradication} {Enter passcode now}

You enter a cramped and musty smelling locker room. UNIFORMS hang around you and a gate into the Lobby is just ahead.

Green isn't really your colour but the choice is jungle camo or jungle camo. The arms of the jacket are sticky as you slide them in. Time to get out undetected.

*Flibble-de-wok* *Brrrrk* {Enter correct passcode or face your inevitable doom}

You enter the lobby. A man and a woman are busy at a desk but no one pays much attention to you. An exit to the outside is just across the room. No lock. No fancy gates.

Escape! What a relief. Except a firm hand has just dropped on to your shoulder from behind. -Panic-

You try to run but the firm hands grip you tighter and turn you around. The guard stares intently into your eyes with a snarl. You feel his warm breath on your face.

''You're no soldier here. You're Sporclin the wizard. What do you think you're doing?'' This particular guard doesn't sound all too bright.

''I can't let you do that I'm afraid. It was a serious crime you committed.'' He was definitely a moron. His dialogue was all just so contrived.

''You killed four police officers who had a warrant to arrest that Lake Lady for possession of a dangerous weapon. They had to send the army in to stop the rampage.''

''Alright. Alright. I don't want any trouble with a wizard. I'll make a deal with you. Do me a favour and I won't call for backup. You can just sneak off.''

''This job doesn't pay too well you see and I have a big family. We haven't had a decent meal in weeks.''

A bag of Persian feasts appears at the guard's feet. He lets you go and gleefully snatches up the sack as he runs off, without so much as a thank you. -Escape Prison-

So you've made it to the outside, but you're a fugitive and the Lake Lady is in danger. Where should you go?

Being the kind hearted soul you are, you decide you should check on the fair maiden's safety first. When you arrive, you notice clear signs of a struggle.

The interior has been devastated by the battle. There are no signs of life. -Continue Scanning House-

A pile of upturned furniture lies between you and the other side of the room. A COMPUTER sits on a desk beyond.

As you dig through the clutter, you come across something most unexpected - a hand, then an arm.... -Keep digging-

After what seems like an age, you pull out the body of a soldier. He's alive but unconscious. You need answers and he might just have them.

A green haze swirls around the soldier's head as your spell works its magic. He regains consciousness but immediately attempts to escape your clutches.

What do you want to use them on?

Good thinking. Now he is restrained he shouldn't be able to try any more funny business.

''Urgh. Where am I? What's happening to me?' Evidently this character is no wittier than the last henchman you conversed with.

''Yeah? Why would I be there?''

''Oh! That's right. So I was.'' This was going to be like getting blood from a stone.

''I think she was going to get locked in a castle or something.''

''Hmm. I don't actually know what castle your princess is in. Captain just gave us the co-ordinates you see?''

''Why should I tell you that? I'll get in big trouble if I go around telling people military secrets.''

''Well that's true I suppose. Alright, the co-ordinates are 55.95, -3.20.''

You let the soldier go and turn on the computer. *Ping Bong* What website would you like to visit Sporclin?

You enter the co-ordinates into Google Maps and discover your final destination....

On your arrival you encounter a wizened, old gatekeeper. '- Halt - Stranger'

''Thee who wishes to pass the gate must answer me these questions three. All who fail will be thrown in the jail.''

''Who was the first President of the United States?''

''Which element is eighth in the periodic table?''

''What is the capital city of Kyrgyzstan?''

''You have passed the test. You may enter and rescue your Lake Lady.'' -Enter Castle-

Following the signs for the Castle Vaults you begin to wonder if there is anyone else here. The corridor is dark and damp and the air is stale. -Keep Walking-

Finally, after what seems like a mile of bare stonework, you reach the heavy wooden door of the Vaults. Still no guards in sight.

The door creaks loudly as you pull it back and squeeze yourself through the crack.

The chamber is dingy and dimly lit. The Lake Lady is tied up in ropes on the floor at the back of the room. -Keep Scanning Vault-

Directly in front of you, your arch-enemy Sir Evilot, lowers Inquizitor, the sword of Lake Lady and points it squarely at your chest.

The sword flies out of his hand and across the room, clattering a torch to the floor and igniting the straw below. -Panic Again-

Sir Evilot dashes out of the door, yelling back something about ''getting you next time''. You rush to Lake Lady's side.

What would you like to use it on?

You cut through the ropes, grab the girl and make good your escape. You are both free once more and Sir Evilot has been thwarted for now. - Celebrate-