| FML | Answer |
| 'Pretty sure Harry Potter tried to kill me with a snake today. FML.” | |
| 'And I would have gotten away with world domination if it weren't for those meddling kids. FML.' | |
| 'Filthy Mudbloods infesting my house! FML.' | |
| 'Horn not from crumple-horned snorkack after all. FML.” | |
| 'Got away from Dawlish en route to Azkaban only to get killed by Fenrir Greyback. FML.' | |
| 'Some idiot stabbed me in the forest. Now I'll haunt him forever. FML.' | |
| “Tracked peacock poop into the mansion again. Husband's going to kill me. FML.” | |
| 'My boyfriend doesn't want to play 'For the Greater Good' anymore. FML.' | |
| 'That bitch Bellatrix set me on fire. FML.' | |
| 'Unwittingly got the woman I have always loved killed. FML.” | |
| 'Have been replaced by Sir Cadogan while on sick leave. FML.” | |
| 'I finally have my first kiss and the girl starts to cry. FML.' | |
| 'Cut out a minute early on work duty for the business deal of a lifetime, but now my boss is pissed as hell at me. FML' | |
| 'Got expelled from Hogwarts today for my pet. FML.' | |
| 'Picked up a parasite in Albania and now I can't shake it. FML.' | |
| 'My boyfriend dumped me for Astoria Greengrass because I’m a raging bitch. FML.” | |
| 'Heist plan failed and boss took my wand. FML.” | |