| FML | Answer |
| 'Got left for days in dark under a statue of a one-eyed witch. FML.' | |
| 'And I would have gotten away with world domination if it weren't for those meddling kids. FML.' | |
| 'Stupid girl threw a book at me today. FML.” | |
| 'Dursley keeps accusing me and Hestia of trying to steal his house. FML.” | |
| “Dropped green bowler hat in the mud. FML.” | |
| 'That bitch Bellatrix set me on fire. FML.' | |
| 'Lost a couple of fingernails on the way home. FML.' | |
| 'I finally have my first kiss and the girl starts to cry. FML.' | |
| 'My sister always gets the hotter guy. FML.' | |
| 'My back pain’s so bad I can’t go camping anymore. FML.” | |
| '50 people apparated inside of me tonight. WTF? FML.' | |
| 'Some idiot stabbed me in the forest. Now I'll haunt him forever. FML.' | |
| 'My boyfriend doesn't want to play 'For the Greater Good' anymore. FML.' | |
| “Tracked peacock poop into the mansion again. Husband's going to kill me. FML.” | |
| 'Watched my master get gobbled up by inferi. FML.' | |
| 'Learned Barty Crouch’s secret then got obliviated, tortured, and murdered. FML.” | |
| 'Have been replaced by Sir Cadogan while on sick leave. FML.” | |