Two and a half men who said it season one

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Can you name the Character who said the title of the episode in two and a half men season one?

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Big flappy bastards
Go east on sunset until you reach the gates of hell
If I cant write my chocolate song I'm going to take a nap
The last thing you want is to wind up with a hump
Did you check with the captain of the flying monkeys
If they go either way theyre usually fake
Twenty five little pre pubers without a snootful
Phase one complete
Merry thanksgiving
Camel filters and pheromones
Sarah like puny alan
I cant afford hyenas
Round one to the hot crazy chick
That was saliva alan
Ate the hamburgers wearing the hats
An old flame with a new wick
I remember the coatroom i just dont remember you
Hey I can pee outside in the dark
No sniffing no wowing
My doctor has a cow puppet
Just like buffalo
Can you feel my finger

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