Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 Roasts

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Can you name the Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 Roasts?

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An arm of titanium alloy? I betcha Jin's Blodia machine can beat that.Capcom
OK, we have a demon with two guns. And he wants to eat pizza. Let's see if Pizza Hut is open at midnight.Capcom
What's big, green, and had two sucky movies? You.Marvel
If only they put Jon Talbain in instead of you. Why did they have to put in a singing, dancing catgirl rather than a way-cool werewolf?Capcom
Oh, no. They have a third Wolverine in Marvel vs. Capcom. Oh, wait. But seriously, Wolverine is better than you.Marvel
Let's face it, everyone wanted you back in the game. Now they're complaning about you being a cheap character because of your robotic animal friends. And weren't you a licensed chaCapcom
How many Capcom games have you appeared in? Let's see, a million. Let's face it. People are tired of you appearing in every Capcom game. And can we get Ken to replace you?Capcom
Of all the Capcom wrestlers, they put you in. A mayor who couldn't fight Zangief, Hugo, T. Hawk, and Alex put together. I'm not voting for you.Capcom
By now, you should be in your 90s. So why are you looking like a young man if you should have wrinkles and liver spots? And secondly, you didn't know that your ex-sidekick took youMarvel
You seem to look like Spider-Man and you have a bad sense of humor. I hope the Jungle Cruise can hire you.Marvel
Even though you have a hot-head, you never lose your temper. And you've never been in action for 18 years because some guy named Dan took your place.Marvel
Great. We have a talking forest animal in the game. What's next? A duck?Marvel
You just came out of the Street Fighter 4 games and you're taking Ken's place in this game? Stay in Street Fighter. Let's bring back Captain Commando to replace you.Capcom
Two sisters+one ghost girl=an excuse to leave Demitri out of Marvel vs. Capcom, though I must admit, putting you in was a good idea.Capcom
OK, they made you an assist character in MvC1 and they left you in Asgard in MvC2. Now they put you in MvC3? You should have stayed in Asgard.Marvel
Hmmm, they replaced Mega Man with a demon with the worst moves anyone can conjure. And you always pester Arthur. I wish they can replace you with a talking bear.Capcom
You're so huge you can be on a zombie basketball team.Capcom
A lawyer in MvC3? That's good. Maybe they should sue Seth Killian on behalf of both companies. And your gameplay sucks.Capcom
Isn't it strange to see a dog in Marvel vs. Capcom 3? And one with the powers of a god?Capcom
All hail the most evil, most bigoted mutant supremacist of all time. And what's with your son and daughter hanging out with humans when they're supposed to be hating them like you?Marvel
OK, we have a guy who imitates almost every Marvel superhero. I betcha he hasn't learned the styles of lesser known heroes like Brother Voodoo or Captain Ultra.Marvel
You covered many wars, but you did not cover the war between two earths and Galactus. I think you were taking a nap the first time around.Capcom
Global saturation, bah! That will never happen in a million years. Even Stewie Griffin is a cooler villain than you.Capcom
You always have to appear in anything Marvel related. Why don't you take a break and let someone else replace you. And go back to taking pictures for the Daily Bugle.Marvel
Of all the Darkstalkers, they picked you because they prefer your sex appeal. Oh, please. Demitri is the star of the game, not you.Capcom
One day, a zombie might come up to you with a bazooka and shoot you dead. And, on top of all that, your sister sucks.Capcom
First X-23, now you. What's next? Spider-Woman? Ms. Marvel? Thor Girl?Marvel
You're a ruler? A college drop out who later ruled a nation? And, even worse, you almost tried to kill the same four people a million times.Marvel
The National Weather Advisory calls you a threat to this planet due to your whirlwinds and lightning attacks. And the Black Panther can't help you now.Marvel
Nina Williams called you and told you to give her back her hairdo and outfit. I liked it better when you had the beret and the blue outfit.Capcom
A girl in a green tank? It's even better than an old man in a bathtub fighting for the world. And you should get rid of your Servbot slaves.Capcom
A girl with a metal wheel-like weapon? It's no wonder they put you in instead of Nero.Capcom
Thank you for starting the Secret Invasion. And, by the way, he hates you.Marvel
Oh, man. When did this New Warriors founder appeared in MvC3? And why was he chosen over Speedball?Marvel
You did not found the West Coast Avengers. And you started your career as a criminal. Just a poor excuse for a Green Arrow wannabe.Marvel
What's this? A knight in shining armor? And when he gets hit, he wears only his underwear. What if you did not have any underwear under your armor?Capcom
Hey, they even have an octopus in the game. Where's Doctor Octopus when he's truely needed? Maybe Juggernaut.Marvel
Oh, you had to be Capcom's poster girl. No go cry and run to daddy's grave.Capcom
First of all, you were presumed dead for six years. Secondly, why doesn't Luke Cage appear in one of your Supers? And, where the heck is Luke Cage?Marvel
A lot of your creators are now dead, and many of your number were destroyed by mutants.Marvel
Good idea to put the world's deadliest mind in the game. Not. The Red Skull or Mandarin could be a far better choice, but Capcom put you in instead.Marvel
Who came up with the word to describe you? And what is Henshin-A-Go-Go? Some kind of night club for samurais? And, on top of all that, you're a 17-year-old who mimics any hero.Capcom
M. Bison called and he wants his life back, you excuse for a killer Ryu.Capcom
Grandpa, what big claws you have? The better to slice you with, my dear. Along with that, you've appeared in almost EVERY Marvel comic and joined numerous teams.Marvel
I can't tell you and your brother apart. Which one's the good demon and which is the bad?Capcom
You stole the theme music from War Machine and you overtook SHIELD and became its director. No wonder that Bill Gates is cooler than you.Marvel
You've took the place of Blackheart and you're the uncle-in-law of Doctor Strange. Next time, Baron Mordo should take your place.Marvel
They picked the lowest number for a Reploid Hunter. I betcha Ten is a better codename.Capcom
Why did Shuma-Gorath become a Capcom character before you? Maybe they should have replaced you with Harry Potter.Marvel
Just an excuse to leave Cyclops out of the game. And, wait a minute. Aren't you supposed to be dead?Marvel

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