| Quote | Who said it (character's full name) |
| Someone didn't love you enough when you were little, did they? | |
| Abracadabra homes | |
| This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons | |
| Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew! | |
| Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. Okay, I am a semi-professional racecar driver and an amateur tattoo artist | |
| Yeah? Well we invented the missionary position... You're welcome | |
| You spilled my macchiato! | |
| Jesus was a man! He had a beard! | |
| Why, if it isn't our mangy, transient grandfather. | |
| Why would you want to watch TV with the stereo on? | |
| | Quote | Who said it (character's full name) |
| Cause I like to party. | |
| I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge. | |
| Old man, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey! | |
| How 'bout we go get kicked out of an Applebee's? | |
| Remember that time in tenth grade when we got kicked out of class for playing with Matchbox cars? Who's the retard now? | |
| Aaaaah, Ricky Bobby! Now we shall dance. And yes, it will be a slow jam. | |
| Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces... new born infant Jesus,don't even know a word yet. | |
| Real simple, son! Cops are coming! There's a kilo of Colombian bam-bam underneath the car! Time to be a man! | |
| One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth | |
| I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party. | |
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