Mr. Smith, I'm afraid there's a problem with your son.

I can't believe I'm gonna die a virgin.

How's everyone's French toast?

Roger? You're alive? Or is this like an episode of the Twilight Zone where I talk to you from beyond the grave but only with terrible ironic results?

I was finally making friends, Stan. How could you ruin my party?

You set me up, Klaus! Why would you do something so awful?

You never challenge me. You just always agree with me.

So you're saying I should never, ever have sex before marriage?

Any letters for me?

Are you drunk?

Saudi women aren't objectified like women in Western cultures. The beauty myth doesn't exist here.

So then it's cool to alienate gays?

It's so cute that Steve has a little girlfriend.

Roger? Where did you learn to skate?

Dad! When were you gonna tell me that you're part of the Illuminati?

Her eyes said, 'Why?'

Say it! You have to say it!

Oh Stan, don't ever put your bike on the front of the bus.

I don't have anything for show and tell. I just found out I have liver cancer.

I'm gonna break the fat one's spine!

What if I told you I'm about to set the record for shooting a woman in the face the most times in a row?

I can't believe you muscled out your own son. You stink, Dad!

Good luck. I'm Bill Pullman. Oh, oh, I was also in Independence D...

Nobody threatens my family. Now, get out of the way or I'll shoot you all.

Did you say 'alien baby'?