Missing Word: Ron Swanson

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Can you name the missing words in these quotes from Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson?

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QuoteMissing Word
There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the ____ that my ____ eats.
This might be the first time I've ever wanted to attend an _____.
No home is complete without a proper _______.
My first ex-wife's name is Tammy, my second ex-wife's name is Tammy, and my ____ name is Tamara. She goes by Tammy.
Anyone want to go to JJ's for some after-dinner _______?
Leslie, NO! We use that stuff to burn _____ off mules!
It reminds me of when my dad made me choose which of my two ______ to slaughter with my own hands for my sixth birthday. I couldn't choose. So, I slaughtered both of them.
When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the _____ name to let them know I don't really care about them.
In my experience, _______ presents are nothing but kindling on a divorce bonfire.
Clear alcohols are for rich women on _____.
Every year, I give Leslie the same _______ I give everyone. A crisp $20 bill.
I've been getting a lot of visitors recently, thanks to a stupid, worthless new push to make __________ officials more accessible.
This room has several _________ in it. Some are big. Some are small. People did them, and they are here now.
On my first day of college, my father dropped me off at the _____ mill. He didn't think I should go to college.
When I saw the flag was at half mast, I said 'All right, another __________ ate it.'
For what it's worth, I think you'd make an incredible ________. Ron Swanson.
Never half ass two things, _____ ass one thing.
They teach kids that not only government is good but that there should be a worldwide super-government. I'd rather sand down my ________.
Either we complete a government _______, which is abhorrent to me, or we bring a new person into the department, which repulses me to my core.
Of all my coworkers, he is one of a small number whom I do not actively ____ against. There I go getting all sappy.
Leslie wanted to hire a contractor to build the stage. I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent, _____.
When I eat it is the food that is ______.
I value education, so I don't want to see Andy waste his time in _______.
I have _____ twice in my life. Once, when I was seven when I was hit by a school bus and the other when I had heard L'il Sebastian had passed.

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