Missing Word: Ron Swanson

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Can you name the missing words in these quotes from Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson?

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QuoteMissing Word
Clear alcohols are for rich women on _____.
My first ex-wife's name is Tammy, my second ex-wife's name is Tammy, and my ____ name is Tamara. She goes by Tammy.
Of all my coworkers, he is one of a small number whom I do not actively ____ against. There I go getting all sappy.
No home is complete without a proper _______.
I've been getting a lot of visitors recently, thanks to a stupid, worthless new push to make __________ officials more accessible.
Either we complete a government _______, which is abhorrent to me, or we bring a new person into the department, which repulses me to my core.
Never half ass two things, _____ ass one thing.
Every year, I give Leslie the same _______ I give everyone. A crisp $20 bill.
In my experience, _______ presents are nothing but kindling on a divorce bonfire.
This might be the first time I've ever wanted to attend an _____.
For what it's worth, I think you'd make an incredible ________. Ron Swanson.
This room has several _________ in it. Some are big. Some are small. People did them, and they are here now.
They teach kids that not only government is good but that there should be a worldwide super-government. I'd rather sand down my ________.
Anyone want to go to JJ's for some after-dinner _______?
There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the ____ that my ____ eats.
When I eat it is the food that is ______.
I have _____ twice in my life. Once, when I was seven when I was hit by a school bus and the other when I had heard L'il Sebastian had passed.
Leslie, NO! We use that stuff to burn _____ off mules!
I value education, so I don't want to see Andy waste his time in _______.
When I saw the flag was at half mast, I said 'All right, another __________ ate it.'
When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the _____ name to let them know I don't really care about them.
It reminds me of when my dad made me choose which of my two ______ to slaughter with my own hands for my sixth birthday. I couldn't choose. So, I slaughtered both of them.
On my first day of college, my father dropped me off at the _____ mill. He didn't think I should go to college.
Leslie wanted to hire a contractor to build the stage. I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent, _____.

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