●Leo: Now, Jenna. Medically speaking, for your height, your weight puts you in what we call the 'disgusting' range. Fortunately, there are solutions.
●Tracy: So how bad is diabetes, really? ●Leo: Quite serious. If left untreated you could lose a foot. ●Tracy: Could I replace it with a wheel, like Rosie from the Jetsons?
●Tracy: Dr. Spaceman, when they check my DNA, will it tell me what diseases I might get, or help me to remember my ATM PIN code?
●Leo: When is modern science going to find a cure for
●Leo: Boy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up.
●Leo: I have the results of your DNA Test, now, I am very serious about doctor/patient confidentiality,
[over the phone] ●Liz: Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I got this number under fertility in the Writers Guild Health Manual? ● Leo: I'm also listed under meth addiction and child psychiatry. So, what can I help you with? I should start by saying that I can't personally help you conceive.
●Jack: It's called the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine. It's a dual-press grill. ●Leo: Say no more. If it's giving people meat, then I'm on board. I've always said humans need more animal blood.
●Leo: You boys need anything while you're here? [holds up bottles of pills] Some reds? Some yellows?
●Leo: I’m a working physician with a degree from the
●Jack: What's wrong with him, Leo? ●Leo: Oh, to the untrained eye, it appeared to be, what we in the medical community call sleeping.
●Jack: Couldn't you just, you know, inject something right into his heart? ●Leo: I'd love to, but we have no way of knowing where the heart is!
●Leo: If you want a shot,
[Dr. Spaceman is covered in blood] ●Liz: Ah! ●Leo: What? This? No, no. I was at a costume party earlier this evening, and the hostess's dog attacked me so...
●Leo: Calm down, everything is fine, I just administered an epidural.
●Leo: Now this is surgery, so don't eat anything before you come in.
●Leo: He's been doing that for almost 8 hours, Dr. Vicki. You know what I like to do for 8 hours?
●Leo: Good morning! Now, full disclosure:
●Leo: You seem nervous. I could give you something for that. Ah, but you know what?
●Leo: My God, Jenna, are you pregnant? How?
●Leo: All right, now that the popsicle's melted
●Leo: Ah, they're nothing to be ashamed of.
●Leo: Sounds like you could use a little R&R.
●Leo: There are four things I want to do this summer,
●Leo: If a patient's friend runs into the operating room and yells at you, you have to stop.
●Leo: Nine out of ten doctors surveyed said:
●Leo: I'm known in the industry as 'the gay doctor,' because I always have a smile on my face,
●Tracy: Dr. Spaceman, is it true that bread eats away at our brains?
●Leo: I don't know how to say this.
●Leo: My lab work is in the field of sleep research,
●Leo: Now, kidney transplantation is no laughing matter.
●Leo: Why is that baby covered in goop?
●Jenna: I got in my head about having a baby and now I'm having a hysterical pregnancy. ●Leo: Well, that's redundant. All pregnancies are hysterical.
●Leo: Now I've only ever seen this kind of thing on dead people in Operation: Desert Storm.
●Leo: You have no reflexes. Your blood tastes like root beer.
●Leo: We're looking for human subjects. ●Jenna: Where do I sign up?