Father Ted Quotes

Random Television or General Knowledge Quiz

Can you name the characters in Father Ted who said these very funny quotes?

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QuoteCharacter
And this is the last known photo of Herr Hitler; he's signing a few death warrants there
Funny how you get more writing as you get older!
I know they're gonna love ya in the States, Ted. You put on a show! But remember, it's a competitive market! You'll be up against Billy Graham and those Nation of Islam guys!
Yeah! By the balls!
DON'T TELL ME I'M STILL ON THAT ******' ISLAND!!!
God, Ted. D'you remember that feller who was so good at fashion they had to shoot him?
You leave me alone. I could have you killed
THAT WOULD BE AN ECUMENICAL MATTER!
Pheasant? I love pheasant.
He DID kick me up the arse!
Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Was it, like, 'collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest?
Watch this, Ted. (rubs letters off blackboard) You see? You can rub off the letters.
What?
I'm a very careful man, Father
D'you think the babies could be copying his style?
Pat was just wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box?
I love my brick!
At that stage, I was drinking over a pint of vodka a day.
YES!
How come all the rocks are different sizes?
I'm so excited. Taking on three bishops all at once. I can't wait.
(peering at table) There's a G in 'Dougal'.
A one-word film. There can't be too many of those. Salem's Lot?
The sex was getting a little bit boring
Put your clothes back on, Carol, I can't concentrate.
QuoteCharacter
While you were out, I got the keys to your car. And drove it into a big wall. And if you don't like it, tough. I've had my fun, and that's all that matters.
(uncertainly) There was.. a spider in the bath the other night....
God Ben I'm such an eejit - I've put the shorts - on me head !
Papa Don't Preach........
I'm a happy camper!
Won't you have some cake, Father? It's got cocaine in it. Oh no, hang on, it's not cocaine, is it. What do I mean now? - the little things... Raisins!
**** OFF CUP!!!!!!
More water!
Oh Wow! It's like a big rabbit rock festival!
Nuns! Reverse! Reverse
It's diesel, it's diesel!
So there he is. Risen from the dead. Like that feller.... E.T.
(after sobering up) YOU! YOU! YOU! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
That's a spoon, Father
We'll be seeing your friend (laughs) no father, the pope
He's no friend of mine!
The way I feel now I could convert gays!
No, Father. It's my money. I just didn't want to fill out the forms.
Noooooo!
Sack me!, Sack me! I made the BBC! (sobs) I made it!
Oh God! He must have seen his reflection! He's not supposed to see his reflection! He doesn't know he's a priest!
I think I should get the parachute because I'm great. In fact, I think I should get both the parachutes, in case one of them doesn't work! [disapproving grumbles from the other pr
You'd better get going, actually. Milk gets sour y'know. Unless it's UHT milk, but there's no demand for that because it's *****.
Night Dougal
Night Ted

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