| Quote | Character |
|---|
| And this is the last known photo of Herr Hitler; he's signing a few death warrants there | |
| Funny how you get more writing as you get older! | |
| I know they're gonna love ya in the States, Ted. You put on a show! But remember, it's a competitive market! You'll be up against Billy Graham and those Nation of Islam guys! | |
| Yeah! By the balls! | |
| DON'T TELL ME I'M STILL ON THAT ******' ISLAND!!! | |
| God, Ted. D'you remember that feller who was so good at fashion they had to shoot him? | |
| You leave me alone. I could have you killed | |
| THAT WOULD BE AN ECUMENICAL MATTER! | |
| Pheasant? I love pheasant. | |
| He DID kick me up the arse! | |
| Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Was it, like, 'collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest? | |
| Watch this, Ted. (rubs letters off blackboard) You see? You can rub off the letters. | |
| What? | |
| I'm a very careful man, Father | |
| D'you think the babies could be copying his style? | |
| Pat was just wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box? | |
| I love my brick! | |
| At that stage, I was drinking over a pint of vodka a day. | |
| YES! | |
| How come all the rocks are different sizes? | |
| I'm so excited. Taking on three bishops all at once. I can't wait. | |
| (peering at table) There's a G in 'Dougal'. | |
| A one-word film. There can't be too many of those. Salem's Lot? | |
| The sex was getting a little bit boring | |
| Put your clothes back on, Carol, I can't concentrate. | |
| | Quote | Character |
|---|
| While you were out, I got the keys to your car. And drove it into a big wall. And if you don't like it, tough. I've had my fun, and that's all that matters. | |
| (uncertainly) There was.. a spider in the bath the other night.... | |
| God Ben I'm such an eejit - I've put the shorts - on me head ! | |
| Papa Don't Preach........ | |
| I'm a happy camper! | |
| Won't you have some cake, Father? It's got cocaine in it. Oh no, hang on, it's not cocaine, is it. What do I mean now? - the little things... Raisins! | |
| **** OFF CUP!!!!!! | |
| More water! | |
| Oh Wow! It's like a big rabbit rock festival! | |
| Nuns! Reverse! Reverse | |
| It's diesel, it's diesel! | |
| So there he is. Risen from the dead. Like that feller.... E.T. | |
| (after sobering up) YOU! YOU! YOU! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? | |
| That's a spoon, Father | |
| We'll be seeing your friend (laughs) no father, the pope | |
| He's no friend of mine! | |
| The way I feel now I could convert gays! | |
| No, Father. It's my money. I just didn't want to fill out the forms. | |
| Noooooo! | |
| Sack me!, Sack me! I made the BBC! (sobs) I made it! | |
| Oh God! He must have seen his reflection! He's not supposed to see his reflection! He doesn't know he's a priest! | |
| I think I should get the parachute because I'm great. In fact, I think I should get both the parachutes, in case one of them doesn't work! [disapproving grumbles from the other pr | |
| You'd better get going, actually. Milk gets sour y'know. Unless it's UHT milk, but there's no demand for that because it's *****. | |
| Night Dougal | |
| Night Ted | |
|
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