This Movie Sucks: The 50 Worst

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Can you name the 50 worst movies of all time according to Empire Online?

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Year and StarMovieCritical Thrashing
1997 - George Clooney'You sit there feeling brain-damaged and praying for the mayhem to cease.' - Anthony Lane, The New Yorker
2000 - John Travolta'Pretty much the Showgirls of sci-fi shoot-em-ups' - Dennis Harvey, Variety
2008 - Mike Myers'[Title] is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.' - A.O. Scott, The New York Times
1980 - Jason Robards'The execution is so bland it makes even the ludicrous stretches of the plot seem airless and unexciting.' - Ian Nathan, Empire
2007 - Kal Penn'The cinematic equivalent of a tapeworm, this delivers few laughs beyond the initial chuckles of recognition.' - J.R. Jones, Chicago Reader
1980 - Kris Kristofferson'[Title] is something quite rare in movies these days -- an unqualified disaster.' - Vincent Canby, New York Times
2004 - Johnny Vegas'This is one of the two most nauseating films ever made, a seedy medley of sketches, a masterclass in filmmaking ineptitude.' - James Christopher, The Times
2008 - Mark Wahlberg'Now we have this ill wind, this feeble gust of an environmental horror story.' - Richard Corliss, Time
1991 - Sean Connery'Mulcahy and company don't ask us to suspend disbelief; they ask us to pretend we've all had weed-whacker lobotomies.' - Rita Kempley, Washington Post
2003 - Tommy Wiseau'A movie that prompts most of its viewers to ask for their money back -- before even 30 minutes have passed.' - Scott Foundas, Variety
2008 - Sean Maguire'...the writing-directing team of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer water down their own blend of pop-comic diarrhoea in this witless, tasteless, formless spoof of 300's homoerotic box-office warriors.' - Aaron Hills, The Village Voice
2007 - Eddie Murphy'[Title] is racially insensitive, politically incorrect and beyond crude (and what Newton was thinking is hard to fathom).' - Luke Sader, The Hollywood Reporter
1998 - Ralph Fiennes'A great, big, boring multi-million dollar piece of useless eye-candy.' - Paul Tatara, CNN.com
2008 - Carmen Electra'A disaster first, and a movie barely.' - William Goss, Cinematical
2004 - Halle Berry'Not to be catty about it, but the stench of the litter pan is all over this big-screen $90 million disaster.' - Pete Travers, Rolling Stone
1959 - Bela Lugosi (sort of)'Brilliantly terrible or terribly terrible depending on your viewpoint.' - Kim Newman, Empire
2004 - Marlon and Shawn Wayans'...acting that isn't broad so much as grotesque, humor that's isn't smart so much as witlessly vulgar, and preposterous plotting that insults the intelligence.' - Bruce Westbrook, Houston Chronicle
2003 - Morgan Freeman'It's when the weasel aliens exit from various orifices that the film disintegrates into a sizeable heap of poo.' - Derek Malcolm, The Guardian
2003 - Ben Affleck'Nearly as unwatchable as it is unpronounceable.' - Manohla Darghis, The Times
2002 - Madonna'...a movie so dangerously adrift from any artistic or commercial moorings that one cannot make out what is intended.' - Kirk Honeycutt, The Hollywood Reporter
2005 - Christian Slater'[Title] offers ample evidence that House of the Dead helmer Uwe Boll should put down his joystick -- quickly, before anyone else gets hurt.' - Justin Chang, Variety
1987 - Lorraine Gary'Not simply a bad movie, but a stupid and incompetent one' - Roger ****, Chicago Sun-Times
2001 - Tom Green'This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.' - Roger ****, Chicago Sun-Times
1997 - Sandra Bullock'I am thinking of suing Twentieth Century Fox for breach of contract. Where, pray, is the [Title]? I can bicycle faster than this ship.' - Anthony Lane, The New Yorker.
2009 - Shia LaBeouf'Given the relentless din, the Leni Riefenstahl-inspired music and the headache-inducing visuals, OSHA should probably be investigating the conditions under which human beings made this thing.' - John Anderson, The Washington Post
Year and StarMovieCritical Thrashing
2001 - Mariah Carey'Entire scenes wander past with the nutritional content of a CD case. Heroically bad.' - Colin Kennedy, Empire
1994 - Jean-Claude Van Damme'Some of the film merely mimics the action of the game; at least in the game you get to participate in the bellicosity.' - Richard Harrington, The Washington Post
2002 - Cameron Diaz'It succeeds only in being tacky, unfunny and profoundly unconvincing, and acted on brain-dead auto-pilot by the relentlessly vivacious Diaz.' - Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian
2006 - Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson'...I imagine that complete comprehension of something as wiggy and abstract as [Title] is pretty much impossible, even to Kelly himself. Such is the mystery of art. And mind-boggling self-indulgence.' - Nathan Rabin, The Onion AV Club
2000 - Anna Faris'[Title] (which only once tries to parody its source's parody - and fails) loses considerable impact by not having its necessary straight man.' - Mark Dinning, Empire
2009 - Steve Martin'Rather than reinvigorating the [Title] comedy franchise from the '60s and '70s, Martin's version dumbs it down and wrings the zany fun out of it.' - Claudia Puig, USA Today
2008 - Gabriel Macht'Nothing in the logic of the film explains it, but then, to use the phrase 'the logic of the film' when talking about [Title] may be to take the 'oxy' out of 'oxymoronic.' - A.O. Scott, The New York Times
2006 - Milla Jovovich'The drama ends, confusingly, with a flaming sword battle that takes place partially in the dark and appears to have equal influences from 'Highlander' and that annual Yule log that appears every Christmas on KICU.' - Peter Hartlaub, The San Francisco Chronicle
2007 - Lindsay Lohan'There's a fresh candidate in the running for worst movie of 2007 honours.' - Michael Rechtshaffen, The Hollywood Reporter
2003 - Jonathan Cherry'To properly convey the jaw-dropping shoddiness of this videogame-based ''horror'' ''movie,'' one must approach what scientists call Absolute Stupid, a state previously thought to exist only under highly controlled laboratory conditions or at the highest levels of government.' - Scott Brown, Entertainment Weekly
2006 - Ed Speleers'A painful reminder of what fantasy cinema was like before the Lord of the Rings trilogy re-wrote the rules.' - Nigel Floyd, Time Out
2008 - Mark Wahlberg'The movie is a series of glum interrogation scenes that lead nowhere special, with a not-quite-sci-fi urban murkiness that makes it look like someone was trying to shoot Blade Runner in Cleveland.' - Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly
2005 - Jamie Kennedy'Jamie Kennedy is, by many accounts, a funny guy. You wouldn't know it, though, from [Title].' - Michael O'Sullivan, Washington Post
2000 - Jeremy Irons'The average episode of 'Xena' or 'Hercules' offers a more compelling and imaginative photoplay.' - Scott Foundas, Variety
1987 - Christopher Reeve'More sluggish than a funeral barge, cheaper than a sale at K mart, it's a nerd, it's a shame, it's [Title]' - Desson Howe, The Washington Post
2004 - Hugh Jackman'The movie has no soul, no magic, no feeling for character, nothing for us to care about.' - Philip French, The Observer
1998 - Chris Rea'Chris Rea - yes, the pop singer and motor car enthusiast - cannot act for toffee. To cast him in a lead role is suicide.' - Andrew Collins, Empire
2009 - Jack Black'There's plenty of lowbrow, knuckle-dragging humour; coupled with all the gay jokes, poop jokes, Jewish jokes and you're-stupider-than-I-am jokes.' - Betsy Sharkey
2003 - Keanu Reeves'It's just that it all adds up to a supersize nothing. To all but fanatics, the disappointment is crushing' - Pete Travers, Rolling Stone
2004 - Wesley Snipes'[Title] does nothing more ambitious than continue a sputtering franchise' - Scott Tobias, A.V. Club
1986 - Lea Thompson'Daffy Duck will be pleased to hear he didn't miss any career opportunities when he wasn't chosen to star in [Title]' - Variety
2004 - Snoop Dogg'About the only thing you can say in its favour is that the film is egalitarian, showing the same lack of respect for everyone and everything.' - Wendy Ide, The Times
2001 - Warren Beatty'[Title] is less deserving of a review than it is an obituary' - Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
1995 - Elizabeth Berkley'This film is like a shiny, red apple that's rotten to the core -- despite slick direction and a glossy sheen, it reeks of decay' - James Berardinelli, Reelreviews
2007 - Tobey Maguire'The time has come for someone to produce a rolled-up newspaper the size of a subway train and bring it down with an almighty crash.' - Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian

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