Pretty much everyone except Horatio dies, and then Fortinbras barges in and takes over.

The title character realizes that his wife (whom he murdered) wasn't cheating on him and then offs himself.

The two drama-queen teenagers kill themselves and the Prince of Verona lectures their families on why grudges are stupid.

The couples all end up together and everyone goes to watch (and make sarcastic remarks about) Bottom's play-within-a-play.

Viola finally reveals to the Duke that she's actually a chick and loves him, and Sebastian marries Olivia because... why not?

Hero's a virgin, Beatrice and Benedick grudgingly admit that they like each other, and Keanu Reeves goes to jail for bad acting.

Macduff gives the title character's severed head to the new king and everyone parties.

He falls on his own sword, takes two scenes to actually die, and his lover gets bitten by some snakes.

After all three of his daughters die, the title character is so overwhelmed by all the crazy stuff he's been through that he just drops dead.

The title character bakes his daughter's rapists and feeds them to their mother. He kills her and gets killed by another guy who gets killed by another guy who becomes emperor.

The title character decides not to attack Rome after all and is killed by the Volscians for chickening out.

Most of the senators who killed the title character all the way back in act three are killed in battle and/or commit suicide. Mark Antony talks about how awesome Brutus was.

The title character becomes a misanthrope, moves into a cave, dies, and leaves a rude note.

Achilles kills Hector and drags him around the city just for kicks.

All the couples marry, Duke Senior gets his dukedom back, and Jaques decides to hang out in the forest and be mopey.

The king and his men promise to stay faithful to their women, but the ladies aren't buying it.

The old Jewish guy demands a pound of flesh and gets screwed over financially. It turns out Antonio's ships are safe after all.

The spunky heroine has her spirit broken by her jerk husband and feminists everywhere are angry.

Prospero forgives everyone, gives up his magic, and, if the audience claps hard enough, gets to leave the island.

Falstaff gets 'punk'd' and Caius accidentally marries a dude.

The king is poisoned by an angry monk and dies.

The king really, really, really wants a horse.

The king marries a French chick, but the Chorus decides to ruin the happy ending by reminding us what a jerk their son ended up being.

Bolingbroke overthrows the king and sticks him in prison, where some idiot goes and murders him.

Valentine says 'Yo, Thurio, stay away from my woman or I will cut you!' which apparently impresses the Duke.