Television / Simpsons Blackboard openings

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Can you name the real Simpsons blackboard openings?

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Blackboard opening(R)eal or (F)ake?
I will not run businesses out of my locker
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
Does any kid still do this anymore?
This school does not need a 'regime change'
The poop deck is not what I think it is
I will not yell 'Fire' in a crowded classroom
I will not sell my kidney on eBay
My butt does not deserve a website
The hamster did not have 'a full life'
I will not sell cough syrup shots
I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
I will not collect taxes from the second graders
Graffiti is not an art project
The capital of Montana is not 'Hannah'
The cafeteria meatloaf is not 'Soylent Green'
I am not the voice you hear in movie trailers
I will not sell teacher's house
I will return the seeing-eye dog
Nobody stays the same age forever
I will not fake seizures
Nobody reads these anymore
The pencil sharpener is only for pencils
Poking a dead raccoon is not research
I will not pledge allegiance to Rupert Murdoch
Blackboard opening(R)eal or (F)ake?
Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present
I will not tease Fatty
I do not get paid overtime for detention
The school is not just part of the Matrix
Network TV is not dead
I do not like green eggs and ham
Vampire is not a career choice
I did not shoot the sherriff (or the deputy)
I will not post fake homework assignments
Life is not a cartoon
I will not submit anonymous complaints to the school board
I will not commit crimes for the 'street cred'
I will not carve gods
I will not sell the school's chairs for scrap metal
I will not believe what I hear on FOX News
I will not leak the plot of the movie
I will not waste chalk
They are laughing at me, not with me
Tony Danza is not my uncle
I was not the sixth Beatle
I will not try to unionize my classmates
I will not snap bras
I am not Sparticus
I will not practice tap dancing on the principal's car
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive

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