Simpsons Blackboard openings

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Can you name the real Simpsons blackboard openings?

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Blackboard opening(R)eal or (F)ake?
The poop deck is not what I think it is
The cafeteria meatloaf is not 'Soylent Green'
They are laughing at me, not with me
Nobody reads these anymore
The school is not just part of the Matrix
Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present
I will not sell teacher's house
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
I will not submit anonymous complaints to the school board
I was not the sixth Beatle
I will not practice tap dancing on the principal's car
Nobody stays the same age forever
I will not tease Fatty
The hamster did not have 'a full life'
I will not collect taxes from the second graders
I will not snap bras
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
I did not shoot the sherriff (or the deputy)
The capital of Montana is not 'Hannah'
The pencil sharpener is only for pencils
I will not sell cough syrup shots
I will not waste chalk
I will not believe what I hear on FOX News
I will not sell my kidney on eBay
I do not get paid overtime for detention
Blackboard opening(R)eal or (F)ake?
Tony Danza is not my uncle
Graffiti is not an art project
Life is not a cartoon
I will not sell the school's chairs for scrap metal
I will not post fake homework assignments
This school does not need a 'regime change'
I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
My butt does not deserve a website
I will not fake seizures
Network TV is not dead
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I will not yell 'Fire' in a crowded classroom
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
I will not commit crimes for the 'street cred'
I will not leak the plot of the movie
Vampire is not a career choice
I will not carve gods
I do not like green eggs and ham
Poking a dead raccoon is not research
I will not run businesses out of my locker
Does any kid still do this anymore?
I will not pledge allegiance to Rupert Murdoch
I am not Sparticus
I will not try to unionize my classmates
I am not the voice you hear in movie trailers

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