Simpsons Blackboard openings

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Can you name the real Simpsons blackboard openings?

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Blackboard opening(R)eal or (F)ake?
Nobody stays the same age forever
I will not carve gods
Graffiti is not an art project
I am not the voice you hear in movie trailers
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I am not Sparticus
I will not try to unionize my classmates
I will not collect taxes from the second graders
I will not commit crimes for the 'street cred'
Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present
I will not post fake homework assignments
I was not the sixth Beatle
Poking a dead raccoon is not research
I will not yell 'Fire' in a crowded classroom
I will not submit anonymous complaints to the school board
I will not believe what I hear on FOX News
They are laughing at me, not with me
My butt does not deserve a website
I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
I do not get paid overtime for detention
Nobody reads these anymore
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
The school is not just part of the Matrix
Tony Danza is not my uncle
The hamster did not have 'a full life'
Blackboard opening(R)eal or (F)ake?
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
The poop deck is not what I think it is
The cafeteria meatloaf is not 'Soylent Green'
I will not tease Fatty
I will not sell cough syrup shots
The capital of Montana is not 'Hannah'
Life is not a cartoon
I do not like green eggs and ham
I will not pledge allegiance to Rupert Murdoch
I will not sell my kidney on eBay
I will not snap bras
I will not run businesses out of my locker
This school does not need a 'regime change'
I will not waste chalk
I will not leak the plot of the movie
Does any kid still do this anymore?
I will not sell teacher's house
I will not sell the school's chairs for scrap metal
I did not shoot the sherriff (or the deputy)
I will not fake seizures
I will not practice tap dancing on the principal's car
The pencil sharpener is only for pencils
Network TV is not dead
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
Vampire is not a career choice

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