Simpsons Blackboard openings

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Can you name the real Simpsons blackboard openings?

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Blackboard opening(R)eal or (F)ake?
I will not believe what I hear on FOX News
Nobody reads these anymore
My butt does not deserve a website
I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
I was not the sixth Beatle
I will not try to unionize my classmates
Tony Danza is not my uncle
I will not practice tap dancing on the principal's car
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
I will return the seeing-eye dog
They are laughing at me, not with me
The poop deck is not what I think it is
I will not sell the school's chairs for scrap metal
The pencil sharpener is only for pencils
I will not carve gods
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
I do not get paid overtime for detention
I will not commit crimes for the 'street cred'
Life is not a cartoon
I do not like green eggs and ham
This school does not need a 'regime change'
The school is not just part of the Matrix
I will not waste chalk
I am not Sparticus
I am not the voice you hear in movie trailers
Blackboard opening(R)eal or (F)ake?
The capital of Montana is not 'Hannah'
Graffiti is not an art project
Network TV is not dead
I will not yell 'Fire' in a crowded classroom
Vampire is not a career choice
I will not pledge allegiance to Rupert Murdoch
I will not sell teacher's house
The cafeteria meatloaf is not 'Soylent Green'
I will not sell my kidney on eBay
I will not tease Fatty
I will not fake seizures
Nobody stays the same age forever
I did not shoot the sherriff (or the deputy)
I will not snap bras
Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present
I will not leak the plot of the movie
I will not collect taxes from the second graders
Poking a dead raccoon is not research
I will not sell cough syrup shots
I will not post fake homework assignments
I will not run businesses out of my locker
I will not submit anonymous complaints to the school board
The hamster did not have 'a full life'
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
Does any kid still do this anymore?

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