Simpsons Blackboard openings

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Can you name the real Simpsons blackboard openings?

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Blackboard opening(R)eal or (F)ake?
I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
I will not practice tap dancing on the principal's car
I will not commit crimes for the 'street cred'
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
I will not leak the plot of the movie
The capital of Montana is not 'Hannah'
The hamster did not have 'a full life'
I am not the voice you hear in movie trailers
I will not waste chalk
I will not sell teacher's house
I will not try to unionize my classmates
Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present
I was not the sixth Beatle
I am not Sparticus
I will not post fake homework assignments
I will not carve gods
I will not collect taxes from the second graders
I will not pledge allegiance to Rupert Murdoch
The school is not just part of the Matrix
My butt does not deserve a website
I will not sell cough syrup shots
Life is not a cartoon
Nobody stays the same age forever
Does any kid still do this anymore?
They are laughing at me, not with me
Blackboard opening(R)eal or (F)ake?
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
This school does not need a 'regime change'
Network TV is not dead
The cafeteria meatloaf is not 'Soylent Green'
I will not yell 'Fire' in a crowded classroom
Poking a dead raccoon is not research
Nobody reads these anymore
Tony Danza is not my uncle
I will not snap bras
I will not tease Fatty
I will not run businesses out of my locker
I will not sell my kidney on eBay
I will not believe what I hear on FOX News
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
I do not like green eggs and ham
I did not shoot the sherriff (or the deputy)
I will return the seeing-eye dog
The pencil sharpener is only for pencils
I will not sell the school's chairs for scrap metal
Graffiti is not an art project
Vampire is not a career choice
I will not fake seizures
I will not submit anonymous complaints to the school board
I do not get paid overtime for detention
The poop deck is not what I think it is

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