'Let's meet contestant number one He's a skitsofrantic, serial killer clown

Sharon, what's your question? Contestant number one, I believe first impressions last forever let's say you were to come over to my parent's house

Let's see, uh, well, I'd have to think about it I might show up in a tux, HA!, but I doubt it I'd probably just show up naked like I always do

I'd pinch her loopy a*s and tell her, 'Get the food ready!' Your dad will probably start tripping and get me pissed I'd have to walk up and bust him in his f*cking lips!

I'm steady staring at your sister, I'll tell you this You know for only 13, she got some big t*ts After that, your dad will try to jump again

Now, let's me contestant number two He's a psychopathic, deranged, crackhead freak

I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions A man who expresses himself in his own special way

First thing, I could never love you You sound like a richie-b*tch, yo, F*CK YOU!!!

I'd go through your phone book and whack em all And find contestant number one and break his f*cking jaw

I'd grab your t*tties and stretch em down past your waist Let em go, and watch em both spring up in your face

When we go to the beach and walk through the sand I throw a little in your face and say, I'm just playing

Well it sounds like contestant number two Is just over-flowing with sensitivity, Sharon It's a touch choice so far

Okay, if we were at a dance club, and you both noticed me at the same time. Tell me, how would you each get my attention, and what would your pick up line be?

Okay, first I'd slide up to the bar And tell you that I can't believe how f*cking fat you are

F*ck that, you'd be jocking me quick I'd order you a drink and stir it with my d*ck

Yeah, freak with your nuts, yo, that'll get her

Look, f*ck you, I got a strong rap

I walk into a bar and there he was Standing up by a bucket, eww, trying to f*ck it It was a big f*cking smelly, a*s farm llama