| Quote | Character |
| So Courtney, what about you? ? | |
| Oh, you're gonna have to walk faster than that. You're gonna have to turn into friggin' Flo Jo to get away from me.? | |
| I feel like crap on toast. ? | |
| Well, the worst that can happen is that I spend some time in your town and suddenly have an urge to enter a pie in the county fair? | |
| This town is like one big outpatient mental institution. ? | |
| Look, I've had my peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead, and that the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these? | |
| Movie Stars always walk down staircases? | |
| Yeah women right, can't live with 'em can't stop them from jumping in closets... go figure? | |
| When did that become acceptable? In the old days, a woman would never consider doing that in public. They'd go find a barn or a cave or something. I mean, it's indecent. This is a ? | |
| | Quote | Character |
| If my wife wants the first cup of tea, she is going to get the first cup of tea? | |
| What am I doing? I'm ranting. You should recognize this, I learned it from you. ? | |
| If you can navigate yourself around a tree, keep on walking? | |
| Welcome to the SH, bitch. ? | |
| Very nice. You may now take a fifteen-minute break while we finish our tea. Also, good time to retune. ? | |
| Kiss 'em sugar!? | |
| It's times like these that you realize what is *truly* important in your life. I'm so glad I had all that sex? | |
| Taylor, no, no, no, no, and every day from now on 'til the end of my life, I am gonna come in here and say, 'Taylor, no.' And when I die, I'm gonna have them freeze me next to Ted ? | |
| I don't think you had a childhood. I think you came out a bitter, surly killjoy. ? | |
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