| Quote | Who Said It? |
| 'If you want to throw down in fisticuffs, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for ya. Right here.' | |
| 'I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars.' | |
| 'If you try [my drug] you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.' | |
| 'I am a werewolf stampede. I will stomp on your infant minds with my righteous fuzzy toes.' | |
| 'I'm the man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and braun.' | |
| 'Vatican assassin warlocks!' | |
| 'I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels, especially if he winds up in my octagon.' | |
| 'I'm gonna punch you in the ovary. That's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.' | |
| 'There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.' | |
| 'Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I could have done with my fire-breathing fists.' | |
| 'Let's go over the ground rules. Rule number one: No touching of the hair or face. And THAT'S IT!' | |
| 'I'm in a glass case of emotion!' | |
| '[Normal people] lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, I can't process it.' | |
| 'I can barely lift my right arm because I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.' | |