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| Team Defense | |
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| 0.1% of leagues are run by college coeds. Or Richard Seymour. | |
| 0.4% of leagues would be able to make a witty comment about Matt Ryan. I cannot. | |
| 0.5% of leagues mixed him up with the guy that really didn't like the catering. | |
| 0.7% of leagues are not Wakko for Flacco. | |
| 1.4% of leagues didn't watch Hard Knocks. | |
| 2.2% of leagues are rooting for Tim Tebow. | |
| 2.6% of leagues know that Deion Branch does not draw the coverage of Randy Moss. | |
| 2.7% of leagues think that Mark Sanchez is playing over his head. | |
| 2.7% of leagues have realized that he's never played a complete season injury-free. | |
| 4% of leagues know he, much like everyone else on the Colts, is hurt. | |
| 5.1% of leagues are laughing at guys in other leagues who drafted this guy WAY too high. | |
| 5.3% of leagues know that this guy is not Vincent Jackson. | |
| 5.5% of leagues would make some joke about Ray Lewis stabbing somebody, but I won't because I'm a Ravens fan and Ray Lewis is awesome. | |
| 5.5% of leagues own the older model Steve Smith. | |
| 5.6% of leagues don't appreciate Jeff Fisher's mullet. | |
| 5.7% of leagues apparantly don't start a kicker. | |
| 5.9% of leagues were too busy getting high with him to put him on their fantasy roster. | |
| 6.2% of leagues are mixing him up with the Seattle Mike Williams and wondering why they keep losing every week. | |
| 6.2% of leagues drafted CJ Spiller too high and are living in denial. | |
| 6.5% of leagues tried to hire him to settle a personal injury case. | |
| 6.7% of leagues didn't expect the Jaguars to be in first place at this point in the season. | |
| 6.9% of leagues traded in for the newer model Steve Smith. | |
| 7.5% of leagues know that even Jason Garrett can only turn this team around so much. | |
| 7.6% of leagues want absolutely nothing to do with any member of the bedlam in Minnesota not named 'Peterson.' | |