This idea is both fair and democratic.
- Yes, it is.

Sir, regardless of the value of the console, you cannot bet another human being in a poker game.
- You certainly cannot!

In fact, in Japan they've got all kinds of different things to eat.

Bill, these people are insane.

You're not in Wisconsin Dave. The big story isn't about a cow wandering into the town square.
You know, I worked in Milwaukee, it's a city with a population of a million people.

Morning boss!
- Good morning, Beth. You know, you don't have to call me boss.

Molly tells Fibber McGee to clean out the closet, so Fibber McGee goes to the closet and guess what happens?
- He opens the closet and everything inside falls out on top of him.

Bill, have you ever heard the expression 'It's easier to catch flies with honey instead of vinegar'?

You're chewing tobacco?
- I'm giving up smoking, not nicotine.
- Chewing tobacco is just as dangerous as smoking.

You're gonna be big, son. Bigger than... Say, Dave. What's the name of that guy who's really big?

Hey, Mike! Mike Eisner! That's Mike Eisner. Great guy, great guy. Got skin like a rhino.
- I think that's Mike Ovitz.

Mr. James, do you have any advice for the young ones?

Wait a minute! I've read Penthouse letters more believable than that.

The eyes are the windows to the skull, my friend.
- Soul.

Joe, You did not kill Ted. It was just a freak accident.

Say, Dave. Remember when I hired you, I said that I wouldn't interfere with your decisions?
- Let me see... yeah, I do.

Sex and gender are the same thing.
- Not so. I definitely prefer sex to gender.

I thought hippies were cool.
- They're not, they are pure evil with hatred in their hearts.

You can't just pluck someone off the street and put him on the air.

No it isn't, Matthew! It's, uh, Buttafuoco. Butta-foo-co.
- What did I say?

How come no one thinks I'm funny?
- How come no one thinks I'm female?

I have narrowed my list of potential wives to seventeen.
- What happened to that really rich lady?

[Reading Dave's memo to Lisa] Oops!
- What?
- This is a word that, in my experience, the ladies don't particularly go for.

Look Lisa, you've never done undercover work before. It's too dangerous.
- Well if you ask me, this place could use a little bit of danger.

They're just going out to lunch. It's no big deal. You and I go to lunch.
- Yeah, at my apartment... and we don't eat.

I'm telling you, that guy is weirder than a $5 bill.
- $3 bill.

I had a small house of brokerage on Wall Street-- many days no business comes to my hut. But Jimmy has fear? A thousand times NO.

Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.

[looks at a picture on Dave's desk] She looks like quite a woman, Dave. Your mom is really something.
- Bill, that's Lisa. This is my mom.

Is Matthew superior to me?
- Genetically?
- No, I mean in the office.
Oh, no.
- What about genetically?

It's one thing, of course, to know you're adequate, but, to have a fellow member of the press stand up and say 'Yes, you sir are adequate.'

[singing] Twinkle, Twinkle, Kenneth Starr...

Wait a minute Bill, you carry your contract in your coat pocket?