(Michael) - Yes. It was on company property, with company property, so... double jeopardy, we are fine. (Ryan) - I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering.
Well, I am taking responsibility. It is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious, but... I'm...
Finishing that 5k, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
(Pam) - [reading from paper] Can you make that straighter? That job looks hard. You should put your mouth on that. How can you even use that one naturally?
What am I supposed to do? What do you want me to do tonight? And if you tell me, that I have to drive back to Scranton, to the satellite party...
When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this is before I had even heard of one, or seen one.
You cannot take the hilarious black guy from the office. Stanley is part of what makes this branch so extraordinary.
Um, wanted: middle aged black man with sass.
I am totally alone right now, with only my thoughts. I love it. I'm loving it. I can literally say anything I want. No one is gonna hear me.
(Lester) - How long have you known Ms. Levinson? (Michael) - Six years and two months. (Lester) - And you were directly under her the entire time?
Why did I do it? I don't know. Jan said that it was because of the photo that she revealed the diary. But she already brought the diary with her to New York, so...
(Phyllis) - Sandy. She's gorgeous and she's got a feisty personality, too. (Michael) - Hmm, I see, feisty. So she's not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer? (Phyllis) - Umm, no, she's a professional softball player. (Michael) - Oooo. Catcher or infield? (Phyllis) - Umm I don't know Michael.
Thank you very much. Our suspect has straight brown hair. She is wearing blue jeans and a black top. So... behold our bachelorette [cut to a blonde woman in a skirt].
I umm, thought about getting a tattoo on my back as well at one point. I was thinking about getting 'Back to the Future.' 'Back' because it's on my back and 'Future' because I'm the kind of guy who likes to look ahead into the future.
Today is a very special day for me. And it's really not about me, it's about my grandkids, it's about my great grandkids... I can come back here when I'm 100, and I can find that piece of cement and say...
(Michael) - All right, everybody... Oh my God, Pam, those make you look so ugly. Um, Pam, in order to get hotter, you take the glasses off. You're moving in the wrong direction... (Pam) - I don't have my contacts...
(Darryl) - Yeah, and then he starts tickling you. You know, pretty soon you're laughing and hugging. Before you know it, you've forgotten the whole thing. Ya'll can just go to church together... get an ice cream cone.
Airplane food. Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food? My wife don't get no respect, so mm, take her, please, for example. [as Jeff Foxworthy] If you don't get no respect, you might be redneck. [as Borat] Respect ees niiice. Borat.
(Pam) - How did he use it again? (Toby) - It was Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object. (Michael) - Thank you. (Toby) - To whomever, meaning us, the indirect object. Which is the correct usage of the word.
Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth, but uh, kids are very wary about being 'lured' these days.
Hi. Yeah. Right. Okay, well, they hired a female Toby. Good for the world. Thank you, God, for creating two of you. Here's how things work here: my job is to make the office fun. Your job is to make the office lame.
Holly is sweet and simple, like a lady baker. I would not be surprised to find out that she had worked in a bakery before coming here.
[singing, screaming into the mic] Come tomorrow, feel no pain! Feel no pain!