[Jeeves is in the kitchen recovering from a momentary panic attack] Bertie: What on earth's the matter, Jeeves? Jeeves? Jeeves: I apologize, sir. It was unforgivable of me. I shall be better directly. It's just... Mr. Little's tie, sir.
Bertie: Now, Jeeves, why do you think they built all these tall buildings? Jeeves: Well, sir, it was partly due to the restricted size of Manhattan Island and partly because the island is solid granite and therefore capable of supporting such structures.
Bertie: Jeeves, there's a dog in there! Jeeves: That will be Rollo, sir. Mr. Pershore informed me that he purchased the animal from a Norwegian seaman. Bertie: He tried to bite me!
Bertie: Good Lord! Ginger Winship! Ginger Winship: Bertie! How nice to see you! Bertie: You down here for the wedding? Ginger Winship: No, no. There's a by-election. I'm standing for Parliament. Bertie: No! Ginger Winship: I am! Bertie: But you're an absolute idiot, Ginger!
Claude Wooster: Now, touching that lunch you very decently were going to offer to stand us... Bertie: Can't be done, I'm afraid. I've got to have lunch with our Aunt Agatha.
Lady Glossop: Do you work, Mr. Wooster? Bertie: What, work? As in honest toil, you mean? Hewing the wood and drawing the old wet stuff and so forth? Lady Glossop: Quite.
Jeeves: Travel is highly educational, Sir. Bertie: I cannot do with any more education, Jeeves.
Bertie: You bally well are informed, Jeeves! Do you know everything?
Jeeves: Pardon me for asking, sir, but are you proposing to appear in public in those garments? Bertie: Well, certainly, Jeeves. What -- a bit vivid, do you think? Jeeves: Not necessarily, sir.
Bertie: I mean, fancy writing a song about saying good night to a whole city. I mean, you may as well say, 'Good Afternoon, Manchester' or 'Fancy Bumping into You, Basingstoke.' Jeeves: Yes, sir.
Jeeves: The lad is of an outspoken disposition, sir, and had made an opprobrious remark respecting my appearance. Bertie: What did he say about your appearance? Jeeves: I do not recall, sir.
Bertie: Tut! Aunt Dahlia: What did you say? Bertie: I said 'tut!' Aunt Dahlia: Say it again and I'll biff you where you stand. I have enough to endure without being tutted at. Bertie: Well, quite.
Bertie: Oh, what ho, Sir Watkyn! Sir Watkyn Bassett: Kindly do not address me in that familiar way, Wooster.
Bertie: The last time anything remotely interesting happened here was in 1842 when a tree fell over.
Waitress: One burger medium, one rare, and one ham and eggs over easy. [to Jeeves] You wanna shake with that?
Jeeves: I am familiar with the name Bassington-Bassington, sir. There are the Shropshire Bassington-Bassingtons, the Hampshire Bassington-Bassingtons, and of course the Kent Bassington-Bassingtons. Bertie: Ah.
Jeeves: Did you have a pleasant afternoon, sir? Bertie: You have a cruel streak, Jeeves. I hadn't realized it before. What blighter was it that invented the bicycle? Jeeves: The first truly rideable machine was made by a Mr. Kirkpatrick Macmillan of Dumfriesshire in Scotland in, erm, 1839, I believe, sir. Bertie: Ugh.
Bertie: Sorry, Bingo, out of the question. I will not go through all that again. Telling him my pen name was Rosie M. Banks and that I'd written all those frightful novels. Bingo Little: Not for me? Bertie: Not for you nor a dozen like you. Bingo Little: I never thought to hear those words from Bertie!
Alexander Worple: It's always a pleasure to meet another jute man. I love jute. You see this model of a yellow-bellied sapsucker? Made entirely from jute. Bertie: [whispering] Good Lord.
[at the Ganymede Club for gentlemen's gentlemen] Valet #1: Of course, you can't get proper gentlemen nowadays. Valet #2: They're not what they were, certainly.
Jeeves: When I was in service to Lord Worplesden, sir, Mr. Fittleworth contracted an engagement to Lady Florence. Bertie: Boko Fittleworth did? Huh. I never knew that.