Bobbie Wickham: Mr. Blumenfield's a fearfully important Broadway producer. I've got to read Mummy's play to him after lunch. I can't read to him in a restaurant. Bertie: Yes, but why does he want jam roly-poly and oysters? Bobbie Wickham: Oh, he doesn't. That's for his son. Apparently Mr. Blumenfield always banks on his verdict.
Bertie: Tell me, Jeeves, were you always like this, or did it come on suddenly? Jeeves: Sir? Bertie: The brain, the gray matter. Were you an outstandingly brilliant child? Jeeves: My mother thought me intelligent, sir. Bertie: Well, can't go by that.
Rupert Steggles: I'm going inside.
Jeeves: Good morning, Mr. Wooster. Bertie: What? What's the time? Jeeves: Ten past nine, sir. Bertie: Ten past nine?
Gussie Fink-Nottle: So, you've won the Scripture knowledge prize, have you, G.G. Simmons? G.G. Simmons: Sir, yes, sir.
Jeeves: Good morning, Mrs. Travers. Mr. Wooster asked me to say that he has gone to Switzerland.
Stiffy Byng: Bertie, I think you're a pig! Bertie: A pig, maybe. But a shrewd, level-headed pig.
[Bertie has pretended to faint] Madeline Bassett: We should loosen his collar.
Bertie: Something up with the bath? Jeeves: The water appears reluctant to drain, sir. Bertie: Oh. Pulled the plug out, have you?
Bertie: I like Stiffy.
Florence Craye: Stilton Cheesewright is an uncouth Cossack!
Georgie Caffyn: I don't know where girls get these expressions from, Bertie. Bertie: What expressions? Georgie Caffyn: Oh, I couldn't repeat them.
Bertie: This is a bit steep, Jeeves.
[Bertie walks in on Madeline playing the piano] Madeline Bassett: Oh, Bertie! I need someone to turn the pages for me.
Jeeves: I attended the performance of a cinema film recently in which the estranged parents were brought together again by the tot in question. Bertie: Well, how? Jeeves: If I remember rightly, sir, it said, 'Dadda, doesn't 'oo love Mummy no more?' Bertie: 'Dadda, doesn't 'oo love Mummy no more?' And that did the trick, did it, Jeeves? Jeeves: Oh, yes, indeed, sir.
Stiffy Byng: Gussie's playing Pat in the 'Pat and Mike' cross-talk act at the village concert I'm producing. Bertie: Oh, really?
Bertie: Jeeves, there was a book on the little table thing by the sofa. Jeeves: Was it entitled Strength through Willpower by Lady Florence Craye, sir? Bertie: That's the one, Jeeves. Jeeves: I placed it by your bedside, sir.
[about the white mess jacket] Jeeves: I assumed it had got into your wardrobe by mistake, sir, or else that it has been placed there by your enemies. Bertie: I'll have you know, Jeeves, that I bought this in Cannes! Jeeves: And wore it, sir? Bertie: Every night at the Casino. Beautiful women used to try and catch my eye!
Bertie: So! It appears that you've gone and got engaged to the Gussie. Angela Travers: Quite right. We're in love. Bertie: Oh, come now, Angela. Gussie's... Gussie's a splendid chap in many ways.
Bertie: Well, I'm going back into that sitting room now Jeeves and I'm going to put in some pretty tense thinking. Jeeves: Very good, sir. Shall I wake you at six, sir? Bertie: Er yes tha'..
Bertie: This Irving Berlin fellow seems to have come a bit of a cropper here, Jeeves. Jeeves: Sir? Bertie: This new song of his. Too many words, not enough notes. Jeeves: If you'll pardon me for saying so, sir, it seems to be a reasonably straightforward syncopated 5/4 time signature.