Grace: Karen, this is a laundromat. Normal people wash their clothes and wear them again.
Will: We've lost our mojo.
Leo: Grace, I have to go to Guatemala to help out some doctors down there. Grace: You're going back to Africa?
Karen: You know, maybe there is an alligator running around with me as a handbag...
Jack: Go, before somebody drops a house on you.
Karen: Oh kids ruin everything. I mean look at the stitching on this.
Karen: Honey, when I agreed to drive you to the set, you didn't say it was on Staten Island.
Karen: Wow, that may have been the greatest day of my life. I love errands!
Karen: Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool.
Jack: Will, have you totally forgotten how to speak our language? 'Running late' is gay for 'I'm blowing you off.' Will: Really. What's gay for 'get out'?
Jack: Hello, 'Day-Old News?' Yeah, I'd like to cancel Will Truman's subscription.
Cher: Ya know dude, it is a little weird that you are talking to my doll. Jack: Um I don't think that I need a drag queen to define normal behavior.
Karen: Honey, gays love presents. Stick something shiny under their faces and they're yours.
Rosario: Why don't I just squeeze you like a sponge?
Grace: I like him. I like him like I like the Statue of Liberty.
Jack: As you know, this weekend, my new show opens at the Duplex, and this year, I'm giving my fans something I know they're dying for.
Kevin Bacon: You... you're my stalker. Jack: I prefer the term 'Professional Crazed Fan'. A job that's a hell of a lot more satisfying than sewing Prada labels in your Old Navy shirts. Go get yourself a new assistant.
Karen: You know I had a dream once. To be rich and beautiful and have a great body.
Jack: My ride is here. It looks like a huff.
Jack: Wow, Elliot has two gay parents.
Will: I'm Truman. Will Truman.
Grace: I just gave a quarter to a homeless guy.
Jack: Will, you don't understand. We have to help the new gays. Nurture them, make them beautiful.
Will: Stanley Walker was a great man. Grace: A nice man.
Grace: Karen, please tell me that you didn't drink your lunch yet. Karen: Honey, I just finished drinking breakfast.
Jack: Well, well, well. Look who it is. Got anything written on your freakishly tinier boob?
Grace: Thanks for taking me out to dinner, Karen. Karen: Well, honey, it's like the old song goes - anyone deserves a free meal who has Will's sperm inside them.
Will: This guy I had a date with tonight used to be straight. I was his first homosexual date. Jack: What? He just can't start sleeping with guys.
Grace: [on the phone] Yes. This is Grace Adler of Grace Adler Designs. I was in there yesterday. I told you I would be back today. And now you're telling me you're all out? Do you know how much business I've given you over the years? How much money I've spent?
Grace: If you're looking for your Aunt Karen, she's not here.