George Fields: Where do you come off sending me your roommate's play for you to star in?
Sandy: Michael, are you gay?
Michael: I slept with her once and she still thinks I'm gay.
Michael: Sandy, I'm not having an affair with the woman who went into my apartment earlier, alright?
George Fields: You are psychotic!
George Fields: Nobody wants to pay twenty dollars to watch people living next to chemical waste.
Dorothy: Ron? I have a name. It's Dorothy. It's not Tootsie or Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll. Ron Carlisle: Oh, Christ.
Sandy: Well, good night, Michael. It was a wonderful party. My date left with someone else. I had a lot of fun.
John Van Horne: I'm just an untalented old has-been. Dorothy: Were you ever famous? John Van Horne: No.
Michael: I don't have the right shoes for that dress, I don't like the way the horizontal lines make me look too hippy, and it cuts me across the bust.
George Fields: The Harlem Theatre for the Blind? Strindberg in the Park? The People's Workshop in Syracuse? Michael: I did nine plays in 8 months up in Syracuse. I happened to get great reviews, not that that's why I did it.
Michael: Friends? Sandy: No, we are not friends. I don't take this s*** from friends.
Jeff: I don't like it when people come up to me after my plays and say, 'I really dug your message, man' or, 'I really dug your play, man.'
Michael: Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me? George Fields: No, no, that's too limited...
Rita: I'd like to make [Dorothy] look a little more attractive. How far can you pull back?
Michael: I don't believe in hell.
George Fields: I can't even set you up for a commercial. You played a tomato for 30 seconds - they went half a day over schedule because you wouldn't sit down.
Dorothy: Dr. Brewster has tried to seduce several nurses on this ward, always claiming to be in the throes of an uncontrollable impulse. Do you know what?
Michael: This is our first date.
Ron Carlisle: I'm sure you're a very good actress. It's just that you're not threatening enough. Dorothy: Not threatening enough?