Max: That's exactly why we want to produce this play. To show the world the true Hitler. The Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew...

Max: How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast.

(song) Springtime for Hitler and Germany.

(song) Don't be stupid! Be a smartie!

Franz Liebkind: I am the author. You are the audience.

Max: It's practically a love letter to Hitler!
Leo: This won't run a week.
Max: A week? Are you nuts?

Roger De Bris: Ah, Bialystock and Bloom, I presume! Heh heh, forgive the pun!
Leo: [to Max] What pun?

Leo: Max, have you gone mad? A receptionist who can't speak English? What will people say?

[Searching for the sure-fire flop] Max: 'Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to discover that he had been transformed into a giant cockroach.'

Leo: Let's assume, just for the moment, that you are a dishonest man.

Franz Liebkind: Hitler... there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in ONE afternoon!

Max: You're an accountant! You're in a noble profession!

Roger De Bris: Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings?

Roger De Bris: I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie. What do you think, Mr. Bloom?

Max: This pin used to hold a pearl the size of your eye. Look at me now, LOOK AT ME NOW!

Max: Who are you and why are you loitering in my hallway?
Leo: [is silent]
Max: Well? Speak dummy! Speak!

Roger De Bris: Wait! This is a decision that could effect my entire life! I shall have to think about it. [pauses for one second]

Hold me, Touch me: Oh Bialy, Bialy, darling, did I hurt you?

(song) We're marching to a faster pace.

Max: Ulla! Go get car!
Ulla: Ja, ja! We go to motel?
Max: No. I go with Mr. Bloom.