Jen: You know, the last few days have been indescribable.

Moss: Whereabouts on the arse did he kiss you?
Roy: Just to the left of the line that goes down the middle.

Douglas: Hello, I'm Douglas Reynholm and I'm not a scientist.

Jen: There was a... RAM emergency.

Moss: It actually already is a word.

Roy: From this moment, everything is going to be different. (phone rings)

Businessman: Subtitles? Oh god.

Moss: Ow! Four! I mean, five!

Moss: I may be able to get an iPhone without giving any money to Apple.

Moss: All these lies, Jen.

Roy: Did you have sex with that lady?

Roy: Alistair! Alistair!

Moss: Why don't you wear a towel, hang around the door, and see if they let you in?

Douglas: I thought it high time that we give the I.T. department the attention they deserve.

Roy: Use bad language, Moss. It'll make you feel better.

Moss: We go to a film, sometimes a pub, maybe get some dinner. It just goes on and on. We're stagnating!
Roy: You make us sound like we're an old married couple.
Moss: But we are! Can't you see?

Moss: Excuse me! I am trying to concentrate over here. And will you watch your ruddy language?

Roy: I don't like people.
Jen: That's not fair, Roy. Have you met all of them?
Roy: I've met enough of them.

Jen: He's taking me to Paris this weekend.
Moss: Ah, Paris.
Jen: Oh, have you been to Paris, Moss?

Jen: So, who's for dessert?
Roy: Isn't this dessert?

Peter: File is my second name.
Roy: Right, I see. Peter File.

(Moss has been bullied by some teens in the park)
Roy: You have to learn to stand up for yourself, man.
Let's try something - let's do some role-play. Do you think that would be a good idea?

Douglas: I don't think I've ever looked in this drawer...

Gary the Builder: Look, Jen, you are barking up the wrong tree. I mean, I think you're a top bird and everything, but you're not really my type.

Moss: Right, Harry. Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
Harry the Postman: What was Wenger thinking, sending Walcott on that early?