Nicky: You have really kind eyes, you know that? Andy: Thanks.
Andy: Is it true that if you don't *use* it, you *lose* it?
Andy: I'm a virgin.
Andy: Is this shirt too yellow? Cal: No.
Trish: [on the bed, kissing] Do you have protection?
Waxing Lady: We gonna need more wax!
Trish: What is this, your roofie, your date drug? Andy: It's a Mento.
Cal: That's a good looking grandma!
Andy: You know what? I respect women! I love women!
Boy at Health Clinic: Hey, do you have any extra large condoms? Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, Seth, please!
Cal: The problem most men have is they don't know how to talk to women. Andy: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say? I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist?
Beth: Can I help you? Andy: I don't know. Can you? Beth: Are you looking for something? Andy: Is there something I should be looking for? Beth: We have a lot of books, so maybe it depends on what you like. Andy: What, um, what do you like? Beth: We have a great section of do-it-yourself.
Cal: You need to stop f***ing around with my friend, okay? Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy! Amy: I moved, I changed my email address, my phone number. Okay? He's practically stalking me.
Trish: Who is this? Andy: This is... James. Trish: James? Do I know you, James?
Andy: I'm gonna tell her. Cal: You should totally tell her. Andy: I'm going to. Cal: 'Cause I watched this movie called 'Liar Liar' and the message was, 'Don't lie.'