Sharona: Is that a new tie? Randy: It's a gift from my girlfriend. Sharona: She has very good taste.
Monk: The killer wore a ski mask, ergo the killer was afraid he'd be recognized, ergo the killer must have worked here recently. Randy: 'Ergo the Killer'.
Monk: Oh, I hate Christmas. Julie: How can you not like Christmas?
Monk: Ooh, I got nature on my hand! [Natalie wipes off the dirt with a leaf] What are you doing?
Monk: We have a system! It's a good system. There's an old saying: Don't... change... anything... ever. Natalie: That's an old saying?
Varla: List of Adrian Monk's fears and phobias. Germs, Needles, Snakes, Heights, Milk... MILK? You're afraid of milk?! My three-year-old nephew isn't even afraid of milk!
Monk: I can't sleep with a crooked shelf in the room. Sharona: Well, when you turn the light off you won't see it.
Sharona: Have you been drinking? Randy: Yes, I have.
Natalie: It's not too late to back out. Monk: Oh no, I am doing this, I am playing the game. Natalie: Well, at least try to have some fun. Monk: Natalie, it's a game.
Marci Maven: You're the detective, you figure it out! Come on and do your thing, like in 'Mr. Monk and the Astronaut' or 'Mr. Monk Goes Back to School'. Remember that one?
Natalie: What are you afraid of? Cooties? Monk: Don't laugh. The jury's still out on cooties.
Marci Maven: Look, I really have to see Adrian, it's an emergency! Natalie: Yeah, that's what you said last year, Marci, but when he got in the car, you locked the door and tried to drive him to Corpus Cristi!
Sherry: Adrian helped me out of a jam when we were young. Was that 30 years ago? Monk: April 12, 1972. Sherry: You remember? Monk: I only remember the date.
Monk: I got Trudy back. For an hour and a half, I thought she might be alive. I had hope.
Bingo Addict: Do you want to rub my lucky troll? It's good luck. Monk: Uh, no, thank you. Bingo Addict: Go ahead. Rub the troll.
Randy: So, you want to tell me what's going on? Monk: I think this time, he might have killed his wife. Randy: Where are you staying, Monk? The Bates Motel?
Stottlemeyer: Well, I guess this is your worst nightmare, a crime scene on a rooftop. Monk: No, it's not my worst nightmare. It's my fourth worst. No, wait, fifth. No, fourth. Fourth or fifth.
Stottlemeyer: A hundred and fifteen? People that old, they die!
Randy: Ooh — do I detect a hint of jealousy?
Sharona: The coma guy? He woke up? Monk: No. Sharona: But you were talking to him.
Monk: Speedy Dates?
Nurse #2: What would my hours be? Monk: Nine A.M.... Nurse #2: Until...? Monk: Until one... Nurse #2: One P.M.?
Vince: Uncle Sal told me to keep an eye on you. It's for your own protection. Monk: It's a little insulting. I haven't needed a babysitter since I was nineteen. Sharona: You had a babysitter when you were nineteen?
Sharona: Ambrose, come with us. Ambrose: Outside? Oh no, I can't. Sharona: You're just gonna hide in this house for the rest of your life?
Monk: You... it was you. You filthy, disgusting animal! YOU MAKE ME SICK! Busboy: Me? Sharona: What are you doing? He's a busboy! Monk: Sharona, don't you recognize him? From the subway!
Monk: Oh, so you can dial a telephone! I was worried. I thought you might be paralyzed or something. Ambrose: I wasn't paralyzed. Monk: I was being sarcastic. Ambrose: Sarcasm is a contemptuous ironic statement.