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My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him.
I did a sponsored walk, once.
Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning.
I don't like to think of there being winners and losers in the Big Brother house.
The average German wakes up at 6:23 a.m.
The minimum pay for a prisoner in a British jail is £4 per week. They say crime doesn't pay.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is 'Shagger'. You might think that’s pretty cool.
Who was the first guy who persuaded a blind person they needed sunglasses?
My girlfriend had a phantom pregnancy.
Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is?
When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste.
Cats have nine lives.
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party...
I went up to the airport information desk.
Years after the Chernobyl accident and am I the only one that's disappointed?
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.
My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'.
I have no problem with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man.
I say no to gay marriage. It'll end up leading to gay divorce.
The reason old men use Viagra is not that they are impotent.
As head of the Catholic church, Pope Benedict is the boss of every Catholic priest in the world.
I'm not homophobic. I'm homophobic in the sense that I'm arachnophobic. I'm not scared of spiders, I'm not scared of gays.
In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato.
I had a survey done on my house.
They say the camera adds 10 pounds.
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