Dennis: What are you doing here? Mac: Oh, I'm doing the MAC. Dennis: The MAC? Mac: Yeah, The MAC:
Frank: I'm doing this jerk-off's taxes.
Mac: What is not to believe? I'm absolutely Dennis Reynolds. Gym Manager: This picture looks nothing like you. Mac: Well, thank you, cause I've actually packed on about fifteen to twenty pounds of solid bulk muscle since that picture was taken.
Uncle Jack: Now this guy seems to think you don't have a case...
Frank: Anyone want any more catfish? Charlie: Yo dude. Definitely give me another one of those. They're delicious.
Mac: Hey bro, how'd you lose your hand? Sailor: Diabetes.
The Waitress: I am not leaving here until you apologize to me.
Mac: Mom was a manager of Jiffy Lube for many years. Charle: I never heard about this.
Dennis: You are dressed like the Phantom of the Opera. He's not a vampire.
Mac: A lot of great actors have done blackface. Dennis: There's countless examples of very classy actors doing black face. We got the great C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man. We got the Wayans Brothers in White Chicks.
Dee: You've been really stressed so I thought I'd take you to a spa day. Just the two of us. Charlie: A what day? Dee: Spa day. Charlie: What is this word, spa? I feel like you're starting to a say a word and you're not finishing it.
Charlie: Are you wearing makeup?
Frank: Roxy, you are good s*** and I want to make this legit. I'm still gonna pay you - but I want you to stop banging other guys. What do you say?
Frank: I love eggs, Charlie. And I love crabs. And I love boiling denim and banging whores.
Dennis: Mac, you have gained 50 pounds of fat.” Mac: “Mass.” Dennis: “Fat.” Mac: “Muscle.”
Dee: I have been taking this place up the butt with a little thing I like to call 'Dee's Double-Drop.' Dennis: So you're doing the double-drop here too? Dee: You know about that?
Charlie: Cannibalism? Racism? Dude that's not for us...
Frank: I was hunted once. I'd just came back from 'Nam. I was hitching through Oregon and some cop started harassing me. Next thing you know, I had a whole army of cops chasing me through the woods! I had to take 'em all out--it was a bloodbath!
Charlie: I'm gonna go pick up some diguises. Dennis: Why? Charlie: So people don't know who we are.
Charlie: Just got a couple long-range walkie-talkies. Dennis: Oh, cool. Did you get one for me?
Dennis: My nose was chiseled by the gods themselves, Frank. My body was sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo's David.
Artemis: Hi! Name's Artemis...
Dennis: As I tried to explain before, you can not get honey from a hornet's nest.
Dennis: Why would you want to bang our mom's sister at the funeral of her husband? Frank: Well, I don't know how many years on this Earth I got left.
Charlie: Yes, my good man, I'll have the milk steak, boiled over hard, and your finest jelly beans...
Mac: I do not appreciate being paraphrased.
Frank: We're trying to piece a night together and we need your help. Artemis: I don't remember that night. Frank: I didn't tell you which night yet.
Christie: Dude, you're wearing makeup. Dennis: Yeah, I'm wearing a little bit of makeup. Who doesn't... Christie: And a girdle.
Frank: We gotta write a song about how we do not diddle kids! (singing) 'Do not diddle kids! It's no good diddling kids!'
Dennis: I hate to tell you this bro, but you do not have the core strength to scale the facade of Citizens Bank, you just don't. Mac: What?! I work out all the time! Dennis: Yeah but you only work out your glamour muscles and you know it. Mac: I work out my core. Dennis: No, you do not work out your core.