Nicholas: Excuse me. When's your birthday? Underage Drinker: 22nd of February. Nicholas: What year?
Nicholas: Why are you dressed as a police officer?
Nicholas: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart. Andy Cartwright: Yeah, cause we all sell apples round here, don't we? Danny: Your dad sells apples, Andy.
Danny: What was it like being stabbed? Nicholas: It was the single most painful experience of my life.
Danny: Have you seen a lot of action, Sergeant Angel? Nicholas: I've experienced my fair share, yes.
Danny: Want anything from the shop? Nicholas: You've just been to the shop.
Nicholas: Yes, Mr. Staker, we'll do everything we can. Can you describe it? Peter Ian Staker: It's about two-feet tall, long slender neck, kinda orange and black bill... Nicholas: Anything else?
Nicholas: Danny, let's roll. Danny: What you thinkin'?
Nicholas: It's Frank! He's appointed himself judge, jury, and executioner!
Joyce Cooper: Fascist!
Danny: Which one - Point Break or Bad Boys II? Nicholas: Which one do you think I'll prefer?
Danny: What made you wanna be a policeman? Nicholas: Officer.
Nicholas: I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer.
Nicholas: You're playing the male lead in an homage to William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and you're late for the dress rehearsal.
Nicholas: Do you know this man? Danny: Yeah, he's Auntie Jackie's sister's brother's boy. Nicholas: And it didn't occur to you to mention this before?
Andy Cartwright: Everybody and their mums is packin' round here. Nicholas: Like who? Andy: Farmers. Nicholas: Who else?
Frank: Your predecessor assumed rural policing was easy. Ended up having a nervous breakdown, and Sergeant Popwell was an exceptional officer. But he had one thing you haven't got. Nicholas: What's that, sir?
Nicholas: With respect, sir, you can't just make people disappear.
Andy Wainwright: We're just hoping to talk to the last people to see Mr. Merchant alive. Namely a Sergeant Knicker-less A**-wipe and C***-stable Fanny Butterbum.
Danny: How's Lurch? Nicholas: He's in the freezer.